Possession, DUI, failure to maintain lane, eluding law enforcement, habitual violator, et al....

I made it through the singing....I'm at about 85% voice, which isn't that bad, so it sounded half-way decent. Sunday I was at about 40%, so I was thankful that it was all audible.


I saw Jim's name in the Bartow blotter. I hate that I have to read that every day just to see what's going on with some of my old acquaintances. Jim was more of an acquaintance though. He brought out so much in me at one time. I will never forget the first time that I saw him. I was completely mezmorized; entranced; He was tall - taller than I am. He had long red hair and it was in braids all piled up on the top of his head. We were sitting in the waiting area of the principal's office. He was a new kid. He was from California. He had Doc Martins that went up to his knees and they were GREEN! I wanted to know him. I wanted to want him.

He dated a friend of mine, so I started hanging out with her more to be around him. There were stories of him taking her virginity. There were parties I never had the guts to go to. Somehow, we became friends....then he dropped out of school. I would seee him occasionally in town. He drove a little black volkswagon GTI with a red stripe down the side. When I worked at K-Mart, he and Jason and a couple of the other guys in our group of friends would come by and I would give them stuff for free...."just pretend to scan it and put it in the bag!!"---Anything for him to think I was cool. He was so gorgeous.

He came back to school. He sought me out. Suddenly, we were seen together all the time. We sat together at school functions. We walked to classes together. We stood outside after school and talked. He told me his problems. I told him my dreams and fears. He shared them with me. We connected. We understood each other. He became so much more than beautiful in my eyes, and I believed that I was in his. We always managed to run into each other at crazy times.

Then, he disappeared. For over a year, I never heard from him. I never saw his little black GTI around town. I never heard from his family....until the DAY of my wedding to my first husband. I was at my house getting ready, and the phone rings. It was him. Out of nowhere he called me, right before my wedding. He came over to my house the next day and brought his girlfriend and we started hanging out as a foursome. Things were cool. We shared life and drinking and various other abuse of substances....then I got divorced and he disappeared again.

I can't quite remember how I got back in touch with him. I remember running into him and sharing almost $90 worth of Hennessey at Applebee's. After that, things get kinda fuzzy. I think he started calling me from jail. He always had to call collect, and called all the time. I started to visit him. I visited him faithfully. A part of me still wanted more from him. A part of me would have done anything for him. When he got out of jail, we were together all the time. I finally got to know him in all the ways I had wanted to. I taught him how to kiss, an he taught me to let go. I did let go, but by then it was too late. He had begun his downward spiral long before I came along. His insight was fading; his intellect gone. We no longer shared any dreams or fears. He became the victim...the one who always got the raw deal...the why guy...My life was changing.

My relationship with the man i loved at the time was ending. My father was dying. My daughter was growing and demanded me to GROW UP. The night before my dad went into the hospital for the last time, Jim was at my mother's house with me. Then, he disappeared.

He showed up a couple of months later at my house in Atlanta. He didn't tell me why he was there until a couple of days later when he told me he was hiding from the cops. I told him I couldn't deal with that. I couldn't put any risk on my daughter. I put him out of my house, and out of my life.

My mother said to me tonight "I saw in the blotter where ole what's his name was in trouble with the law again..." Some things never change I guess. I hate that I always see the potential in people...what they "could be" instead of what they really are and who they really are. I've been bitten in the ass again and again for that. I still care about him. I knew the beautiful wonderful him. I'm glad I did. I'm glad I had him in my life. I just wish there was more to his.