A moment.....

I dated a guy years ago. We were pretty serious, I thought. We were never in the same place. Something that he said struck me today, almost out of nowhere, but not completely unfounded. He knew that I had grown up in church, and had since completely stopped going for whatever reason. He was never really into church at all. One day, out of the blue, he tells me that I should go to church. It wasn't in a "you need Jesus" kind of way. It was more like "you might function better if you had something more to be involved with, i.e. church..."

After my father died, I went to a social event with the church that my mother had been a part of for years. It was not the church that I grew up in. It was very small, and it seemed that everyone was either blood related, or had married into each other's families....so typical country southern baptist church. I surprised myself at how much fun I had, so I started going semi-regularly. Sometimes I got something out if it, sometimes I didn't...but I enjoyed it. It was some structure in my live that I had been missing. Maybe that's what he meant...maybe it was the structure.

When I moved up here, I went to several different churches. I didn't like to go without my husband. He told me that if I would *please* go to a Catholic church, that he would go....this after actually going with me to the Calvary Chapel...which he so lovingly refers to as a cult. I decided to give the ole Catholic church a try. Ana would be going to school there anyway - since the public schools are shit - so I started going, and I actually found all the ritual stuff to be cool. Baptists are minimalists when it comes to the actual worship service. The churches are not particularly fancy, and there isn't a lot of ritual involved. To me, the ritual seemed humbling. At any rate, to make a long story shorter (kinda), I went through the RCIA classes, was amazed at how liberal and free thinking and accepting this church was, and decided to convert. I joined the choir and everything.
I think it's the singing again on a regular basis...Especially when the director handed me a song tonight and asked if I could "take a look at the verses..." It's a beautiful song by David Haas called "Do Not Let Your Hearts Be Troubled." It's not very difficult. It's very simple and beautiful.

It makes me smile.