Transplanted "Philly Girl"

Yowza!

2008-07-14T15:29:00.002-05:00

Okay, peeps. Not gonna talk about the divorce here except to say that it has been ugly, and only seems to be getting worse....

and that it doesn't *have* to be that way.

I'm working on finding a more private outlet, to vent while still protecting myself. Get with me and i'll get with you when i figure out what imma do.

until then....

the calm before the storm....

2008-05-15T10:21:00.000-05:00

It has definitely been a whirlwind several weeks for me. Truth be told, I’m not handling things well; I’m barely handling things at all. I feel like I’m being pulled in different directions, and none of them seem to be the direction that I want to take with my life.

Needing to figure it out.
Break it down to wonder what is right; what went wrong, if anything;
Hard ships and heartbreak and fences to mend with chains breakable to a fault
Frustrations fuel the confused chaos already maddening in my mind

My head hurts.

I want to live for me and do what I want to do with my life. I don’t want to answer to anyone or anything that tries to tell me any different. I don’t want to be judged for following what I want or doing as I please, regardless of the outcome. I want to learn for myself and take things head on.

Lost time to make up for; lost life to gain
Through experiences only I can know or tell…..

I probably am a shitty mother. I probably do have a mental stability issue; I probably always have; But that’s not my cop-out, my excuse for the way I am. I am sure that I am not happy and I’m sure that I don’t need anyone to get me there and make me otherwise.

I want to be the one to find it, figure it out, lay it aside if it needs to be, and pick things up where I left off if they are worth it. I want to touch lives, and have lives touch me, and be better for it without the obligation.

Everything seems to suffer for it, and I don’t understand why I should too. It’s black and white and I know what I have to do; and with minimal discomfort and complete unselfishness to those who mean the most…to those who’ll hurt the most.

To lay it out on the line scares the shit out of me. To have it happen when I least expect it scared me even most. To hurt the ones I care for the most scares me more than all fear combined.

I face it and move on.

Forward.

Too stagnant for too long and
Too young not to go for it and too old to think it’d be realistic and
Too insane not to try.

You tell me things I need to hear, and should have heard all along, but never had. I knew this, since I had had it in another, and then when things got rough the turned tables flipped up and knocked me out completely on their way. I was never the same since. All that talk of walls being built and jaded and guarded. Yeah. That wasn’t me, but it was, and I left it internal. I bottled up and I’m okay, and I’m dealing and I’m making other people happy and I’m living life for everyone else to make everyone else the way they want me to be.

Promises - Fugazi

2008-05-01T15:46:00.001-05:00

Words
Words and expressions
All these confessions
Of where we stand
How I see you
And you see me
Dedications of symmetry
Together we will be
forever.
Promises are shit
We speak the way we breathe
Present air will have to do
Rearrange and see it through
Stupid fucking words
They tangle us in our desires
Free me from this give and take
Free me from this great debate
There were no truer words than when spoken
Let that stand as it should
There was nothing left when broken
We grab anything when we fall
Promises are shit
We speak the way we breathe
Present air will have to do
Rearrange and see us through
Stupid fucking words
They tangle us in our desires
Free me from this give and take
Free me from this great debate
You will do what you do
I will do what I do
We will do what we do
Rearrange and see it through
Go where you think you want to go
Do everything you were sent here for
Fire at will if you hear that call
Touch your hand to the wall at night
Promises.
Words.

good lord....

2007-09-29T11:21:00.000-05:00

So....

my girls wake me around 7:45 this morning. I know that I have lots on my agenda today, so I get up and put on a different shirt with my pajama pants. We have nothing in the house for breakfast, so I figure the girls and I will go grab something and then go food shopping. I gather all the Sunday editions of the paper that have been collecting on my balcony for the last month (I only subscribed to get the coupons - that I never use) and i spend about a half hour going through about 2 months worth of coupons, put them in a baggie in no type of order, and pile the kids into the station wagon, cuz i'm cool like that...that's how I roll.

So we venture to the Dunkin Donuts, and proceed to completely take it over, but they know us well, so they have my coffee and my bagel ready, and the kids have finally decided what they want...so we order and we sit down, and then utensils start to fall on the floor and so we have to get more, and then Maura realizes that her hands are sticky and that she needs a wet paper towel and proceeds to pour water from my water bottle onto the pile of napkins sitting on the table. I'm hold hot coffee, and trying to stop her, I spill scalding hot coffee on my leg. I stay calm. I clean up. We are finally finshed with breakfast, and we leave. I should have taken them home at this point.

I should have taken them home.

So we get to the supermarket at around 9. I'm stoked because it's still early and because it's Saturday morning, and so the supermarket is still a little quiet..at least for the next hour or so. i get a great parking space, and we all go into the store together and then it starts. Anyone with children that are old enough to talk and recognize labels know exactly what I mean by this. I want to strangle every advertiser who thought it would be cute to put Dora on a box of ANYTHING, and every one of the people that make all the artificial preservative full CRAP that "EVERYONE else ALWAYS has in thier lunch EVERY day.." Excuse me for caring about the long term health and well being of my kids!!!!

So my children are running up and down and up and down the aisles and I'm trying to shop and they are asking for everything, and Maura is trying the apples and Ana is begging for some sort of cereal made from Recees cups and Maura is fighting over kinds of yogurt because the one kind has Dora on it and Ana needs glitter pens for school and Maura really wants a toy and Ana would buy it for her if she had the money, but she can't find her money, and will i spot her some money becuase she is sure that somewhere she has lost $18, and she really needs construction paper and new crayons because all the other ones are broken, and Maura's life isn't complete without the Elmo juices and we HAVE to have the string cheese, and why can't we get the cookie dough with the jackolanterns on it for halloween, since it's so close, and look at the cute coupon dispensers that we have to stand in front of and pull every coupon out of until they no longer spit coupons and then never understand why I don't need the little gummy fruity things, because I have 5000 coupons now, and how I can't get the spaghetti sauce that says this on it, because the coupon is too specific, and then my cell phone rings, and it's my friend in GA who is about to have a baby, so I'm talking to her and then Maura has to go to the bathroom - which in a grocery store is always 200x worse than even the most disgusting gas station bathroom - so i make Ana stand with the cart, and i'm on the cell phone and lining a toilet seat with toilet paper, and I keep getting a beep on my phone because hubby thinks that I just don't hear the phone, and I get done with the bathroom and fight to get hands washed - PLEASE - and then I get off the phone and try to talk Maura into the riding in the cart, and she stands up and puts her arms around my neck while my hands are full and jumps out of the cart and lands flat on her tailbone on the hard floor and starts to scream and then I finally get done, and of course there are only 4 checkouts open - and 2 of them are for 15 items or less, and all 4 have lines at least 5 people deep.....so I get in line and am bagging groceries,

and I ask the checkout lady if they have valium...and she says yes they do, in the pharmacy, but you have to have a prescription....

and I'm thinkng that at this point, I could convince any doctor in the land.

and I finally get home, and get groceries put away, and discover that mice have gotten into my tea and my dried beans, so I have to throw it all away and clean out the cupboard and rearrange things..

and I find myself looking at the clock...trying to decide if it's too early to open that bottle of wine I put in the fridge last night to chill...

it's not even noon, people.

beginning the 4th week...

2007-07-03T11:07:00.000-05:00

10.6 down.

it's getting easier.

week one

2007-06-19T09:39:00.000-05:00

7 lb down.

93 to go.

FAGE total 0% Greek Yogurt is delicious.

Trader Joe's rocks.

Thank you and have a great week.

i'm going do it...

2007-06-10T19:43:00.000-05:00

I'm going to Weight Watchers tomorrow. Sean and Megan have collectively lost about 300lb.

No time like the present.

here goes nothing.

go cliff.....

2007-01-29T15:45:00.000-05:00

whenever I think of Cliff I am taken back to a certain transaction in my life between the two of us. I think he was a freshman, and I was a junior...at any rate, i knew he was destined for greatness.

go cliff....

2007-01-18T11:08:00.000-05:00

Someone said that “Sympathy and offering condolences is what people do to cross the indifferent chasm of not giving one rats ass about someone being dead.”

And though I understand why the person said that and where it comes from, I disagree with that statement. Sympathy and offering condolences is what people do when they feel that there is nothing else that they can do. Offering sympathy for me is not an attempt to pretend to know how you feel, nor is it me thinking I can help you feel better in any way. My words are not “nothing.” Others’ words may be, but mine are sincere.

It sucks that your friend died, and I feel badly for you because it must absolutely suck to lose your oldest friend. I tell you I’m sorry because I am. I care about you, your feelings, and your well-being. You are one of my dearest friends, and I love you very much, and I am honestly sorry that your friend died and there is nothing that anyone can do. I won't feel bad for 15 minutes and put it on you. You are already a person who I think about almost daily....I know that you have emotions and that they are different and ugly and messed up, but that doesn’t mean that words of sympathy and condolences offered mean nothing to the people they are coming from.

I am not going to tell you about how I hated him. I didn’t know him well. I liked him. I liked his cocky attitude and opinions. I liked his conspiracy theories and unique sense of humor. I liked that he spoke his mind, even when everyone else in the room disagreed. I like that he didn’t give a damn. To say that he didn’t leave anything meaningful is bullshit. The fact that you have things to write about him show that he left behind something meaningful, however minute it may be.

We will all die with things left to be done, and things we wanted to do. Even the ones who do everything will die with things left undone, sights left unseen. Death is never on someone’s calendar. Death is never in the plans or in the works. Even death expected is shocking. It’s all part of the conspiracy theory of life.

We may be irrelevant in the big picture, but we are not irrelevant to each other. People forget people who are still alive..what’s the difference in forgetting the dead? The difference is that the dead are not forgotten as easily because of the realization that there is no chance of ever being in contact with them ever again.

He would have called us idiots, because that was his way. It doesn’t mean we are.

YAY!

2006-12-09T11:08:00.000-05:00

It snowed on Thursday night. I LOVE cold. I LOVE snow. And this year, for the first time since I was a little kid, I think I may be looking forward to Christmas! Don't worry, to those of you that know me...i'm not listening to Christmas caroles or anything, but I've caught myself singing 'Jesu Bambino' and 'Hodie Chritus Nautus Est' a few times.

things are getting kinda funky.

i wish i could play the bass guitar....

2006-11-20T21:49:00.000-05:00

i love my hubby.

i love my new kitchen table and matching china closet. my mother never even had a china closet.

i love that when I said "i'm going to put this in this drawer of the new china closet, but I want to use the other drawers for placemats and napkins, ok?" that my husband's answer was "whatever you want to do, it's your china closet."

i love that he went out and bought it for me even tho when we saw it in the store he said that he didn't like vintage and that it looked "too retro."

i love that he is helping me clean so that my house will be presentable for my mother and Colin coming in.

i love that my friend jon is a brilliant writer and that he sent me a copy of his latest work and signed it for me and all, and that I had no idea that it was coming and that it's so close to my birthday that i consider it a birthday present and it makes me happy.

i love that my best friend is getting better.

i love that she makes me think about being better.

i love that i have her in my life and still feel close even when we're so far away.

i love that she didn't disappear when i had my second wedding. i'm glad she was there.

i love that i did a blog today because my head aches from stress and lack of sleep and need to write.

i love that I actually picked up my guitar yesterday and remembered how to play some stuff....pixies rock.

i love kim deal.

Jocilyn.....

2006-11-03T07:36:00.000-05:00

Why do things happen. People ask these questions all the time, knowing that there is rarely an answer.

Joci was such a beautiful and genuine person. She moved here from Oregon to go to school. She was my favorite of my sister's roommies. She was the only one that ever hung out with me, or came over later to see me.

Ana loved her so much. I don't think i'm going to tell her what happened.

I love you, Joci and missed you before I even knew you were gone.

The do-rag was created for you.

i wanna warm you up...

2006-09-25T21:14:00.000-05:00

jumpin on the south beach wagon....

2006-09-25T08:12:00.000-05:00

it was so hard to throw away that yummy hot beautiful flaky crossaint this morning after I took the egg off to eat for my breakfast.....

2006-09-22T17:20:00.000-05:00

so i really want to go to my class reunion in november. mostly, i'd like to go as an excuse to go to c-vegas and see L and B, and my sis, and her baby. hubby had said that we'd check on the finances.

so today only, plane tickets are $66, one way.

and hubby decides to tell me that he doesn't want me gone from him and the children that long.

and it makes me very sad because I am so very homesick and friendsick.

2006-09-13T10:02:00.000-05:00

I found this on MSNBC powered by MSN Video and thought you might be interested in it.

Click this link

http://video.msn.com/v/us/msnbc.htm?g=6ab03f03-7a66-4378-8443-ef3afe82bab8&f=00&fg=email

Pray for Peace

2006-09-11T20:11:00.000-05:00

Pray to whomever you kneel down to:
Jesus nailed to his wooden or plastic cross,
his suffering face bent to kiss you,
Buddha still under the Bo tree in scorching heat,
Adonai, Allah. Raise your arms to Mary
that she may lay her palm on our brows,
to Shekhina, Queen of Heaven and Earth,
to Inanna in her stripped descent.

Then pray to the bus driver who takes you to work.
On the bus, pray for everyone riding that bus,
for everyone riding buses all over the world.
Drop some silver and pray.

Waiting in line for the movies, for the ATM,
for your latte and croissant, offer your plea.
Make your eating and drinking a supplication.
Make your slicing of carrots a holy act,
each translucent layer of the onion, a deeper prayer.

To Hawk or Wolf, or the Great Whale, pray.
Bow down to terriers and shepherds and siamese cats.
Fields of artichokes and elegant strawberries.

Make the brushing of your hair a prayer,
every strand its own voice,
singing in the choir on your head.
As you wash your face, the water slipping
through your fingers, a prayer: Water,
softest thing on earth, gentleness
that wears away rock.

Making love, of course, is already prayer.
Skin, and open mouths worshipping that skin,
the fragile cases we are poured into.

If you're hungry, pray. If you're tired.
Pray to Gandhi and Dorothy Day.
Shakespeare. Sappho. Sojourner Truth.

When you walk to your car, to the mailbox,
to the video store, let each step
be a prayer that we all keep our legs,
that we do not blow off anyone else's legs. Or crush their skulls.
And if you are riding on a bicycle
or a skateboard, in a wheel chair, each revolution
of the wheels a prayer as the earth revolves:
less harm, less harm, less harm.

And as you work, typing with a new manicure,
a tiny palm tree painted on one pearlescent nail
or delivering soda or drawing good blood
into rubber-capped vials, writing on a blackboard
with yellow chalk, twirling pizzas--

With each breath in, take in the faith of those
who have believed when belief seemed foolish,
who persevered. With each breath out, cherish.

Pull weeds for peace, turn over in your sleep for peace,
feed the birds, each shiny seed
that spills onto the earth, another second of peace.
Wash your dishes, call your mother, drink wine.

Shovel leaves or snow or trash from your sidewalk.
Make a path. Fold a photo of a dead child
around your VISA card. Scoop your holy water
from the gutter. Gnaw your crust.
Mumble along like a crazy person, stumbling
your prayer through the streets.

~Ellen Bass

my wedding gig....

2006-09-08T17:48:00.000-05:00

this'll be short and sweet.

--sang at a wedding for a former co worker. ex-boss was there.

I totally kicked ass on the Ave Maria

in b flat, thank you.

okay, off to the reception.

goodbye

oh god, i'm doing it again....

2006-09-06T15:29:00.000-05:00

yeah.

so.

I was listening to my ipod this morning on the way to work, and I heard this song...just like I do all the time...but today, the lyrics really got me. Someone out there must need to read them, because something out there told me to post them....

Imperfectly by the one and only, Ani Difranco.

i'm o.k. if you get me a good angle
you're o.k. in the right sort of light
we don't look like pages from a magazine
but that's alright

i crashed your pickup truck
then i had to drive it back home
i was crying i was so scared
of what you would do of what you would say
but you just started laughing
so i just started laughing along
saying it looks like a little rough
but it runs o.k.

we get a little further from perfection
each year on the road
i think that's called character
i think that's just the way it goes
better to be dusty
than polished like some store window mannequin
touch me where i'm rusty
let me stain your hands

when you're pretty as a picture
they pound down your door
but i've been offered love
in two dimensions before
and i know that it's not all
that it's made out to be
let's show them all how it's done
let's do it all imperfectly

okay, suckers...

2006-08-28T19:38:00.000-05:00

I feel obligated to post something. I haven't posted anything of substance lately. A lot has been going on around me, but not too much has been going on with me directly. I watched my best friend have a breakdown that I don't think she could have stopped..and I really don't think she wanted to stop it. I think she needed it to heal. In retrospect, it did her well, and she is recovering better than I think she lets on. She is a beautiful and wonderful human being and has been a very important part of my life for 13(ish) years. Things are looking up for her (finally) and I'm glad, because she's worth it, and she deserves all the good things that are coming to her.

My nephew is precious and has a heart murmur. Hopefully it's not a serious one. He will see a cardiologist, and we'll see.

My sister an insane, stuck up, snobby bitch, but I love her to pieces, and i will always let her treat me shittily and I will give back to her the opposite because I love her, life is too short, and it's just not worth it. I have learned that her husband, otherwise known as K-Fed to her Britney, is not all bad. He is a poseur and mostly a wannabe, but he loves her and means well, and stands up to her bitchiness, and she takes what he says to heart, even when she won't listen to anyone else. He brings her back down from the high horse.

I need a hair cut and I want it cut like Kat Von D.

I found a dress for my friend's wedding that I look great in, and i'm not too modest to say it.

I feel like I need more attention from my husband sometimes. I told him that.

Work is okay. There are good days and bad. Mostly, if boss man is in a good mood, then all is right in the world.

I still wanna be a rock star, and I'm staring to get the itch for a new tattoo. Someone help me with ideas.

I went to a bachelorette party Saturday night and had an absolute blast. I'm going out this Friday with my beautiful friend from work. She got a new job, and I'm sad to see her go, but I am completely ecstatic for her. I hope I can still hang out with her. She is one of the few people that I have met up here that i'd actually call a close friend. She rocks.

I miss GA....but the fall is coming, and it's gorgeous here then.

That is all. Thank you, and good night.

happy happy joy joy...

2006-08-09T15:42:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRFDAY PABLO!!!!

i love you to pieces.....

YAY...

2006-08-08T11:04:00.001-05:00

i'm going to GA this weekend to see my new nephew.

I'm flying in early Friday morning....i want to grab breakfast, hopefully with a friend that can pick me up and drive me to Kennesaw!!

Does anyone know if Java Jive is still there?

WTF?

2006-07-29T16:30:00.000-05:00

How in the hell does My Aries Sun have a picture of my nephew on her blog before I do? What's up with that?

so go look here and comment on my blog, not hers, dammit.

...and I'm not afraid to say it....

2006-07-19T08:34:00.000-05:00

I love Kelly Clarkson.

I was honestly impressed with her last night. As a singer....a formally educated musician...i was impressed. She hit every note. She was on pitch. She wasn't over dressed, and even had on Chuck Taylor's. She looked great, she sounded great, and she gave a great show. She covered Ray LaMontange's "Shelter.." which I felt like only I knew, and she covered Marc Broussard's "Home" which was incredible.

She was very good. I may even buy her next CD.

Really???

Yeah....it's hard for me to believe too.

2006-07-15T11:00:00.000-05:00

Do I REALLY want to go to Real Estate school, or am I just that unhappy with my career?

and am I stupid for considering American Idol tryouts in August?

dammit.

the squirrel story.

2006-07-12T21:04:00.000-05:00

I hate them. I hate squirrels...and here is the long awaited story.

Our central air is on the blink. It ultimately needs replacing, and so we've been getting estimates. In the mean time, we borrowed a window unit from my in-laws to go in the girls' room. The side things were still there, but the middle stuff had been torn out, so we wrapped towels around and stuffed them in there all around the air conditioner. The girls had a nice cool room until we could get the new central unit.

One evening, Ana claimed to hear something in the towel. With our rodent history, my first thought was a mouse.....hubby thought maybe a bird, but as he got in there, he noticed that it was much bigger than a bird. It was ...

a squirrel.

We scared it out, put out moth balls, re-stuffed the towels, and hoped it wouldn't come back. Everything was nice, we heard no noise, had no strange nesting materials hanging out of the towels; all was well. We went on vacation.

We left Ana in GA, so Maura was sleeping in the room alone. A few nights ago, there was no street parking, so we had to park in the driveway behind our house, next to our small little porch with the stairs that lead up to the door and window where the unit is. I see some trash sticking up out of the towel. My first thought is "oh lord, that thing is BACK!!!" I told hubby to go and check it out....be a man, assess the situation. He goes up and grabs a stick on the way, and bangs on the unit a little bit. No response. He pokes the towel.....SQUIRREL HEAD pops up, and she was MAD. Hubby is trying to scare her out of the area...banging the unit, the wall, poking at her...she's grabbing the stick and biting it and making these horrible shrill noises... it was awful. He goes inside to try from the inside out. No avail, and the towel is starting to give a little...and I'm praying that the squirrel doesn't get into the room. He comes back out, and I go inside, trying to work with him. I put Maura in her crib - who, by the way is laughing the whole time - and proceeded to the window. Billy tells me that she is gone. YAY! The squirrel is GONE!!....So i'm thinking, lets just remove the whole window unit, towels and all....so i'm trying to help him get it out of the window..when all the while, this crazy ass squirrel is running up the stair rail and charging and jumping at my husband, and he's fighting her off. We get the window open, take one towel out, then move to the other towel, where the squirrel had nested, so there's trash and leaves and such in it, and i'm all freaked out already...so the towel unravels and opens up and all this crap falls to the floor...and then...i see it... on the window sill..

little pink squirrel BABY!!!!!!

oooh...i'm getting the willies just talking about it again. It was tiny and still pink and eyes closed and everything. No wonder the mother was so protective....So Billy pulls the towel out and the baby goes with the towel to the bushes where the mother was......then i remember all the trash that had fallen to the floor in the room I was in.,...my daughters' room. I look down between the bed and the wall....trash, pieces of towel, leaves,

2 MORE SQUIRREL BABIES.....AHHHH!

I freaked out. Ever since an incident with wharf rats in my mother's attic, i have had a HUGE phobia of rodents. I have no desire to hurt them I just don't want them in my house, or near me...I just wanted them AWAY and I didn't want to see them...I run out....left Maura in the crib - who is still laughing at me - and I run down stairs to where my husband is and tell him. By now, the neighbors are out...the downstairs neighbor talking about how dirty they are and how they have rabies and then another guy called Corey that reminds me of Pablo was listening to Billy recount his story. I tell him about the babies, and ask him not to hurt them and he goes in and scoops them up on a dust pan, and comes out to return them to the mother, who is charging him and Corey. The babies were squealing. I can still hear it.

So it's over now. I read on the internet that squirrels often have a back up nest because the male tries to kill the babies, so hopefully she had one. They also don't mind their babies smelling like humans...so hopefully they all made it back to their mother.

i'm just glad they're out of my house.

stigmata martyr

2006-06-15T14:27:00.000-05:00

Peter Murphy will suck your blood.

I could crawl into his voice and melt.

wimp.

2006-06-15T14:12:00.000-05:00

"kinda like a cloud i was up way up in the
sky.
and i was feeling some feelings you wouldn't
believe.
sometimes i don't believe them myself
and i decided i was never coming
down"
Trent Reznor is beautiful.
His head was almost shaved, and the sweat glistened from his body, ready for me to lick it off. He came out on stage and just gave and gave and gave until he couldn't give anymore. He rocked my world like nothing else and I am so glad I got to go and get it all out. I needed the screaming and the stomping and the hair in my face and the raw throat from screaming at the top of my lungs. It was well worth the haze I sit in today to see his body writhing on stage and hear his voice. He sang every song with emotion and raw passion that only he can exude. I was in awe and utter amazement.
Trent is indeed beautiful.

it's been too long....

2006-06-12T12:20:00.000-05:00

And i'm sorry....but it's not that I haven't written...but I haven't. I have a lot inside to post about that I can't post about. I've had a lot of things come up and a lot of rants to get out that I haven't been able to get out. Mostly, my audience has become too large. Too many of you people read this and I need to write about all of YOU without you knowing who you are and possibly hurting feelings or having misunderstandings. None of it is personal. (i may take that back)...and I love you all. But just the same, i need to find another outlet more anonymous.

Al Gore rocks my face off...

2006-05-15T08:42:00.000-05:00

http://www.crooksandliars.com/2006/05/14.html#a8280

Obituary.....

2006-05-11T15:44:00.000-05:00

It is with deep sadness that I announce the passing of Ana's hamster, Cookie, on May 11, 2006.

Ana received Cookie as a birthday present in October of 2003, when she was turning 6 years old. Cookie was a happy little teddy bear hamster that quickly grew to be 3 times its size. She also outgrew her wheel, which she loved to run around and around on, all night long.

Cookie was a quiet hamster, never married, no children. She enjoyed having her water and food changed, and running in her magic sphere.

She was preceded in death by Gibby the gold fish, Gibby the gold fish #2, and Dude the Hermit Crab. She is survived by her owner, Ana and Ceili the dog.

She will be laid to rest this afternoon, weather permitting, in the yard by the pool at Aunt Pattie's house. Interment will be private.

Condolences may be sent to Ana via email at cuteana@comcast.net or by telephone if you know the number

2006-05-10T19:36:00.000-05:00

complancency calling
like the phone
right
ringing
in my EAR
going to voicemail because I

choose

not to answer?

Happy Friday

2006-04-28T12:26:00.000-05:00

Peace and love to you all...

and since there is no peace to me, I haven't time to blog....but I did want to say hello to my readers (all 3 of you) and leave you with a little Friday clip that is just funny...

Natalie Portman Raps

more fun to pass along....

2006-04-20T08:26:00.000-05:00

my Aries Sun posted this on her blog, and it was just so entertaining, that I had to share it with you.....

Suri Cruise's headline in 2030

What a day....

2006-04-14T20:26:00.000-05:00

And on top of having the day off, the TV that I bought hubby for his bday went on sale at the wonderful Circuit City, and so I took my receipt and got 110% of the difference. WOW! How cool is that!

Good Friday mass was so peaceful. The Holy Thursday mass last night was nice as well. When we arrived at church there was a beautiful rainbow. Last night, we played the handbells and a soprano and I sang Pange Lingua. It was really a beautiful service. I went back at 10:45 for the prayer service, and that was nice too. At today's service, i cantored, which was a lot of fun. There was a cellist and I sang the Pslam with him and it was so beautiful. In-laws and hubby came to hear me sing, and even some of the RCIA instructors from last year. I'm looking forward to the Easter Vigil. It starts at dusk when the priest lights a fire and carves some symbols into a wax cross. Then we all process in together and proclaim that Jesus is the light of the world as all the candles and lights in the church are re-lit after everything was darkened last night. I love the ritual of the Catholic church. There are definitely pagan roots to a lot of the things they do. It's all very interesting.

The moon tonight coming home from Circuit City was blood red. It was really spooky. Kinda neat though....Good Friday, Jesus died, the blood of Christ and all....

yeah, okay. Goodnight.

GOOD Friday....

2006-04-14T13:13:00.000-05:00

Can I just say that I love that there are so many Catholics up here that they close the schools and the whole city on Good Friday? Ok, thanks. ....cuz that means I have the day off.

YAY.

if this pisses you off, i apologize ahead of time....the attitude of this just pissed me off...

2006-04-12T12:41:00.000-05:00

I saw this on another blog today, and though some of the points were valid, most of it, i felt was wrong. Why can't people who are unhappy with their jobs FIND ANOTHER ONE!!! There are plenty of jobs that are not in the service industry...but if you must work in the service industry, please understand that your job is SERVICE, and just like any job, if you do it well, you're paid for it, and if not, you suffer. If you give me good service, then you're going to be tipped well. Simple as that. I should tip you MORE because you felt like giving me free coffee!! PLEASE! Anyway, the origianal post is in blue with my responses in red, and like I said, this is not geared towards anyone in particular. I have done my fair share of resturant work, service and otherwise. It is a rant, so take it as such. It was my initial feelings at reading this. Perhaps it was just the attitide with which it was expressed, but it rubbed me the wrong way. Here ya go...

The next time you're out eating at a restaurant, look at your server. Do you think they are really happy to be doing that job? The answer is no, they are not, but it's what we do, and we do it for the money so please help them out. Its a tougher job than you think and you should pay them accordingly!

I realize that this is a tough job…but some people LOVE it. Some people were made to be career servers and actually love their job. I am a firm believer in at least kinda liking what you do. If you hate your job DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. If I look at my server, and they look like they hate their job, then chances are, I’m going to get bad service, and the server is going to get a bad tip.

There are SO many people out there flooding the restaurants w/o any knowledge of how to tip. Here is a short guide for the general public to follow. Feel free to print out and store in your wallet and/or purse.

There are also SO many people out there working at the restaurant without any knowledge on how to serve. It is a server’s job to take care of the customer, NOT the other way around. The customer is the REASON that you have a job!

1. CHILDREN "THE LITTLE DEVILS":If you have children, DO NOT let them, open and dump anything on the table (ie; salt, sugar, etc). IF YOU DO, you must leave an extra $5 for the server to clean up YOUR CHILD'S mess & to restock the now unusable wasted items. We are neither their babysitter nor their parent. The least you can do is pay us for the extra work. Also make sure you control your kids and don't let them scream or run around the restaurant. It's very distracting not to mention dangerous if they get ran over by a server with hot food in their hands.

Unless I am a complete idiot, most of these things would not happen; However, on occasion, my children may be a little more rambunctious than they usually are. If the happen to open something and empty it, then I will probably clean most of it up, but god forbid you should touch it?!? Don’t they have bus boys anymore? You have to clean up the table. It’s in the job description. Sometimes it’s more difficult than other times, but there are restaurants where you can work that are NOT places for children. If you hate waiting on people with children, I suggest you not work at a “family friendly” place.

2. "THE CAMPERS":If you feel the necessity to stay for longer than 15 minutes after you pay, its an extra $3 every 30 minutes. We make our money from the tables. If you are in one and we can't seat it, we don't make money.

BY LAW, if you are not making a certain amount per hour with tips, your place of employment is obligated to pay you more per hour to make up for it. Your income is not solely based on my table. If I choose to stay for a while, chances are my service was good and you’re going to get a tip anyway…unless of course you get an attitude with me for staying late. Do your job well, and you get paid for it.

3. COMPLIMENTS:Telling a server they are the best server they've ever had is not a tip. If we are good, let us know by leaving us more money. We cant pay our bills on compliments. Its not that we don't appreciate the praise, its just that if you say that and then leave 10% it's an insult.

Again, chances are that if I think your service was good, you’ll be tipped….but don’t bet paying your bills on your tips. My mother always told me not to count my chickens before they hatch. If I can’t pay my bills, then I’m going to find a better paying job.

4. THE SALVATION PAMPHLETS:Prayer cards and any other religious pamphlet is NOT a tip. It is insulting that you assume we are w/o religion and must save us. Again, like ..3, we cant pay bills w/prayer cards. We'd go to church on Sundays if it wasn't mandatory to work on Sundays because EVERYONE who goes to church follows it by eating out.

If you don’t want the pamphlet, throw it away. Excuse us for trying to be nice. We are not trying to save you, nor do we assume that you are w/o religion. We simply are secure and happy in our spirituality and are making a suggestion to you. You don’t have to read it. You don’t have to look at it…and if you are not making enough money to pay your bills, then you probably suck as a server anyway. Find a better paying job.

5. TIPPING:It is not 1960. Cost of living has gone up dramatically since then. 18% is the MINIMUM amount of what you should be tipping your servers. Just look at the tax line and multiply by 2-3, this gives you your minimum tip amount. Remember, our companies pay us minimum wage (minumum wage for servers is $2.13) And we are taxed on 10 percent of your meal automatically anyway. So if your meal is $100 and you leave $10 and we tip out $4-5 to the busser, bartender, and whoever else then we pay tax on 10 dollars and we make $5. It seems small but it adds up. How many times do you eat out per week and do this?

Not every restaurant requires you to tip out. On top of that, most of your tips aren’t even reported so that YOU don’t have as much taxes coming out of your check. I can’t pick and choose how much I make. And you don’t tip out $4-5 of my $10 if I leave it. If I can afford a $100 meal, and my service was worth 20%, then you will get 20%. If it’s not, then you won’t….simple as that. You are called a SERVER.

6. THE COMPLAINERS:If you get a discount because of your food was prepared wrong or something, do not take it out of our tip. We didn't cook it. The cooks get paid hourly regardless if the food sucks. However, we only make what you give us.

You do not ONLY make what we tip you, though this is a valid argument. If there is something wrong with my food, and you do what you can to help, and there is no smart-assness coming from you, then you will still get your good tip.

7. THE FREE STUFF:If you happen to get anything for free and you did not have a problem with your dining experience, most of the time it is because the server thinks you will realize that they are giving it to you for free. There should be extra tip thanking the server for the free item. They could get in a lot of trouble giving away free stuff. You should give them hazard pay for it.

IF YOU ARE GOING TO GET IN TROUBLE FOR GIVING ME FREE FOOD THEN DON’T GIVE IT TO ME. Furthermore, if you are giving it to me for free, don’t expect me to pay for it. If I have to pay for it, then it wasn’t really free anyway, now was it?

8. THE LATE ONES:If you come into the restaurant 10 mins before closing or any time near closing hurry up and order your food and get out. Closed means closed, not social hour. It is so rude to sit there and take your sweet ass time. We can't leave until you leave because we have to do sidework and clean the table you are sitting at. We don't want to stand there waiting for you for an extra hour just because you don't want to go home. We recommend 24 hour establishments such as Dennys if you wish to sit into the wee hours of the night.

If your restaurant is closed, then I won’t come in. if it is open, then I will, and I’ll enjoy my food. If you need extra time to do your sidework, I'm sorry. Most sidework can be done whether there are people still there or not, and that the work that can't be done then can usually be done in a matter of minutes.

9. THE TABLE HOGGERS:If you only come in for coffee or a dessert, to do paper work, or to have a meeting, don't sit there taking up our booths for hours. We are not Starbucks or a hotel restraunt. If you want to sit for hours, go there or else you better leave a good tip for us and camping fee included.

If I choose to go out, maybe after a movie or something, and have dessert, then I will do that. If I want to have a business meeting, or work on some things, I will. Last I checked, there were no time limits for sitting at a restaurant, and as I have said, if I am served well, then the server will be tipped well.

10. THE GREET:When we come up to the table to greet you and we ask how you are doing please let us know. We honestly want to know how you are doing. If you are in a bad mood we want to know that from the beginning. A confused stare or complete silence does not suffice as a reply to "How are you doing?". Also most of us are REQUIRED to say certain things during the greeting, so please don't interrupt our greeting and say "I want coffee", "Can we get some bread?", or "What are the soups?"

Sometimes you go into these spiels before we have even had a chance to sit down and take our coats off. We look at you blankly because we have no idea what you’ve said. Sometimes we are completely engrossed in our menus and you come up and just start talking without any acknowledgement that you are even speaking to us. Give us some time to figure things out…and if I’m the secret shopper coming to see if you are saying your greeting correctly, chances are, I’m not going to interrupt you; so if I do, it’s okay for you to stop talking. I may already know the specials. I may already no what I want. Noone, that is neither of us wants to get off on a bad start.

11. THOSE DAMN CELL PHONES:Don't ever talk on your cell phone in a restaurant. This is probably the rudest thing to do. If you must be on your cell, at least keep your voice down in respect for other customers. If you are on your cell phone when we walk up to greet your table we will walk away and not return until you get off your phone. Just show some respect and give us your attention for a couple of minutes.

Good then. If I am on my cell phone, I expect you to leave me alone until I am done. Nothing is worse than having a server come up to me and interrupt a call. I may be on the phone with a babysitter, and my child is sick. Or maybe I’m the supervisor of a warehouse and someone was seriously injured. I come to the restaurant to eat, but if I get a call that I need to take, I will take it.

12. TAKE-AWAY OR TO-GOS:Always remember to tip the take-out order servers! They work just as hard as a server, and hardly ever get tips for it! WE DESERVE TO BE TIPPED TOO!

9 times out of 10, unless a regular server is also assigned to TO-GO orders, then the person doing these is getting a regular pay rate. If my food is ready when it’s supposed to be, then I may throw a couple bucks in the jar…but you didn’t serve me. You answered the phone, took my order, and put the food in the bag

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SERVERS READING THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please repost this so the word can get out, since so many people are uneducated about tips and our lives depend on this - at least for now......

I have been a server before. I understand part of the argument, but whoever wrote this doesn’t understand that the job is to serve people. When you do a good job, and enjoy what you do, then you make enough money. No one’s life should depend (solely) on tips – especially the ones that you haven’t even gotten yet. If it’s that bad, then FIND ANOTHER FREAKIN JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday to You....

2006-04-12T08:42:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday to my Aries Sun
the most beautiful person I've ever known
she helped make me who I am
and continues help form who I want to be
she keeps me grounded and sane
and has never judged me
she is truly the best friend I've ever had

Happy Birthday.

i love you.

Oh oh oh NO!! Here they come....

2006-04-08T16:01:00.000-05:00

I'm not one for posting lyrics. I think i've done it about twice, as opposed to a friend of mine who does it on an almost daily basis. Anyway, this band has been a part of my life for a LONG time, and now with the discovery of this ipod thingy, I'm able to find a lot of gems that I haven't heard in a long time. One of these gems is an old B-52's song, from the album "Cosmic Thing" - which is also the album that includes Love Shack and Roam. This song reminds me of my younger days, when I had no resposibilities and I actually was part of the Dead Beat Club.

Deadbeat Club

Huh, Get a job, what for, I'm trying to think
I was good, I could talk
A mile a minute,
On this caffeine buzz I was on
We were really hummin'
We would talk every day for hours

We belong to the deadbeat club

Anyway we can,
We're gonna find something
We'll dance in the garden
In torn sheets in the rain
We'll dance in the garden
In torn sheets in the rain
We're the deadbeat club
We're the deadbeat club

Going down to Allen's for
A twenty-five cent beer
And the jukebox playing real loud,"Ninety-six tears"
We're wild girls walkin' down the street
Wild girls and boys going out for a big time
Let's go crash that party down
In Normaltown tonight
Then we'll go skinny-dippin'
In the moonlight
We're wild girls walkin' down the street
Wild girls and boys going out for a big time

Anyway we can
We're gonna find something
We'll dance in the garden
In torn sheets in the rain
We'll dance in the garden
In torn sheets in the rain
We're the deadbeat club
We're the deadbeat club

Oh no! Here they come
The members of the deadbeat club

singing........

2006-04-06T12:31:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR RHI...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOO YOUUUUU!!!

~and many more.....~

Hang the DJ.....

2006-04-03T12:53:00.000-05:00

Hubby and I watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" the other night. It was an excellent movie, but it made me so very sad. I'm not a huge Jim Carrey fan, but he was so much less annoying in a serious role, as he was in the few other serious roles he's had. He was trying to erase her from his memory - mostly because she did it to him - but when it came down to it, he was the person he'd become because of her. He didn't *really* want to forget her. It made me think of all the memories I have of me and hubby and how i'd never want to forget any of the details....even the crappy shit. Then it made me thing of my dad and I had one of my semi-annual break-downs that I have had about my father since he died in 2000.

I usually only break down like that about 2 times a year. When I do, hubby holds me and calms me. He doesn't pretend to understand my feelings, because he has both of his parents, and he can't understand; but he knows me so well, and knows what I need and knows what to say, and that I'll get over it eventually, and he just waits it out with me. He knows that I miss my daddy. I think about him a lot. I have a picture of him in my living room. Ana really doesn't remember him. She remembers little things that I have told her, or scenes that she has seen on a home video, but not the actual person; the fact that he existed and that they were so close. I wish that he had gotten to meet hubby. I was on and off - mostly off - with someone else when he died, and that person was so cold and terrible to me when it actually happened. It took me a long time to get over that....the fact that when I needed this person the most, they made me feel to badly. He had lost his father too, so I was hoping for some common ground at a time when I really needed it. I reached out for comfort and got a very dry and unfeeling "i'm sorry to hear that..."

I was so lucky to have another person in my life who had lost his father and who would let me come over and cry for hours and feed me beer and cigarettes and goldfish. You know who you are, and that time meant more to me than you will ever know. My memories of you are all special and I would never want to erase them. (SHUT THE FUCK UP!) Who am I kidding, you're not reading this.

Anyway, i love my satellite radio and my 1st Wave station. They had a SMITH'S REUNION weekend, and so I got my fill of Morrissey and the Smiths all weekend. It was lovely. I was in heaven......

I'm soooo sorry.....

I finally have a picture of the new tattoo....

2006-04-02T15:43:00.000-05:00

THIS is the new tatt that I wrote about so long ago. I finally got a picture of it that looks half way decent, so I thought I would put a picture up here to share with all of you. It was finished in Jan, and I am extremely happy with it. It turned out better than I ever thought it would. I wish the picture showed the color as well as it actually looks. I absolutely love it...and I can't wait for the next one. Funny how the bug gets you. See the people in the trunk of the tree kinda hugging?? Yeah, now that is amazing art work. My tattoo artist kicks ass, dontcha think?

Why Gay Marriage Should Stay Illegal

2006-03-30T15:54:00.000-05:00

I ganked this from my friend Jill who ganked it from somebody else...thought i'd share because it's just great.....

Why Gay Marriage Should Stay Illegal

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage would be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

11) Gay couples are a harmful influence on their kids, because all gay couples abuse their kids, daily.

(one of the saddest parts about our society is that these arguments, before the humorous common sense, are the real reasons why people can't accept gay marriages.)

makes ya think, huh.....damn society.....

2006-03-29T12:23:00.000-05:00

Okay. It’s been a while since my last update and there are a lot of things going on. A lot of people have been asking me what’s up, and where have I been, and am I okay. I assure you, I am fine. I love my life, and though things could be better, they could definitely be a hell of a lot worse, so I count my blessings.

The questions asked most lately have been about my new job, as a secretary to a judge. For everyone’s information, I am doing wonderfully. I am happy and work is good. I got an unheard of raise – I’m talking 5 figures. It’s wonderful. He is a sensational guy, and so easy to work for. He’s not very demanding, and we get along really well. He tells me daily how happy he is that I am there, and what a great job I am doing. I have also learned a lot about the things he does. I already knew a lot, but it is fun seeing even more. I’m glad he is happy, and he is glad that I am happy. ..and I am happy.

Also, I’ve been requested to sing at a wedding on April 8th. I’ve been doing weddings and funerals as often as I can at church, and now, I’ve been requested. That is really nice. This couple actually heard me and decided that they wanted ME to sing at their wedding. Now, many of you know that I have been singing at weddings forever..but Catholic weddings are so different, and so much more goes into it. I have to sing the opening song, the closing song, a Psalm, usually an Ave Maria (the Catholics LOVE that…), a song for communion, and a song for meditation. I love singing with the pipe organ from the choir loft. It is such a beautiful sound. Hubby says that if I keep these church gigs up, then I’ll be the bread winner. He’ll be a kept man. Good for him. That means he’ll have to make dinner. I can’t be super mom forever!!

Another thing that a couple of people have asked me about is my ex getting married. Not my ex-husband, but the only other guy that I have ever been serious with besides my current husband....my first, real, true love and everything. Well, many of you, I’m sure read about my epiphany a while back that I had about him, and I still feel the same way. I am happy for him. I hope that they are able to live together, as he can be difficult to live with – can’t we all? But at any rate, I honestly wish him happiness. From what I know of her, she seems like a unique and talented woman, which is what he likes. I hope that they are always good to each other, and that they remember the little things that keep a relationship going, so that they can last. I hope they can be as happy as I am, and I am very happy with my hubby.

Hubby is doing well, by the way. We are both on the track to better health and debt- free living…so that we can buy a house. We talked to a mortgage guy last night about getting our credit straight, and it’s not as bad as we thought it was gonna be. We are getting that straightened out, and then we’ll have a house, and eventually, more bubbies…but in the meantime, hubby and I are both trying to eat healthy. I am very proud of him, and am so happy with him. He is really a wonderful husband, and I feel like I don’t give him enough credit sometimes. After-all, he spends all afternoon taking care of the kids, doing homework, and he even makes dinner sometimes, and always helps with the cleaning. Yep. He’s a good man. I love him so much.

On the music front, there is a little café near me called the “Chit Chat Café” and I think that I am going to go over there and offer to entertain on the weekends. It is a cute little place on the corner with coffee and cappuccino and sandwiches and cakes and it’s really quaint. The only problem is that every time I go by, it says OPEN and looks inviting…but is completely empty, except for the owners – Asian husband and wife – sitting at a table kind of gazing out the window. They even got this huge banner that says “Now Serving Cappuccino…” I have no P.A. system, but I think that maybe I could stand in the corner with my guitar and just sing for people. Maybe it’ll bring them in…and I’d do it just for tips to start….just put a jar or a hat out or something. It’s actually located on the corner of my friend Laura’s street, and she’s the one that suggested I go ask them about playing on the weekends. She would come and invite people, and maybe that would get the word started.

Things are coming together. It’s about damn time.

So that’s the update in a nutshell…a very LARGE nutshell, but a nutshell nonetheless. I hope that everyone is doing well.

And hubby updated a couple weeks ago so check out my other half…..

Philly Weather.....a rant....by me.

2006-03-15T09:36:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to say that 2 freakin days ago it was like 78 degrees outside. This morning, it is SNOWING. Someone laughed and remarked.."Hahah! That's March for ya..."

Yanno what, philly?

Screw March. I don't mind the cold. The cold is nice. I'm from the south, I have a appreciation for cold weather, and it's all fun to snuggle and stuff.....but it's the inconsistency of this weather that is driving me insane. I called my mom this morning to tell her I'm coming back to GA....i'm really not, but this is insane.

But there is free coffee at Starbucks from 10am-12am, so that will make things better....i'll just have to go out in the snow to get it.

Okay. I'm done ranting.
Thanks for reading.-

I KNEW IT!!!

2006-03-14T16:44:00.000-05:00

You are Supergirl

Supergirl		90%
Wonder Woman		85%
Superman		75%
Robin		65%
The Flash		65%
Spider-Man		55%
Catwoman		55%
Iron Man		55%
Green Lantern		45%
Hulk		40%
Batman		20%

Lean, muscular and feminine.
Honest and a defender of the innocent.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

My goodness this is GREAT.....

2006-02-28T12:20:00.000-05:00

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5366552067462745475&q=speed

snow...

2006-02-12T17:42:00.000-05:00

So we're actually kind of snowed in, which is cool. I think the totals throughout the city varied from 12-20 inches, depending on the neighborhood. Hubby shoveled the sidewalk, and played with Ana and the dog, Ceili, and had fun. They came in all cold, and I made cookies and hot chocolate. Hubby and I bought some holiday wine from the Chadds Ford winery and it's supposed to be served warm, so it's in the crock pot. Cloves and cinnimon and wine. YUM. We are hoping that school will be closed tomorrow. For someone who is off all summer, he sure is praying for a day off. I know that I'll have to go to work either way, as long as the trains are running - which they are.

So Friday, I was hanging out at work, thinking about how I had 2 weeks left before starting my new position. I kept telling Raul that I knew that the 2 weeks were going to seem so long. Then, I got a phone call from the judge. He said that I am starting WEDNESDAY. The 15th. I went from having 2 weeks to having 2 DAYS! I'm stoked.

SO, since I got the job, I'm going to see the Pie Tasters with Brinkly next weekend. That should be fun....and now I'm trying to talk Hubby into taking me to see the New Pornographers, Neko Case's band on March 4. They are playing with Belle & Sebastian, which should be cool. I haven't seen them in ages. Anyway.

The snow is boring. It gets me out of cooking though, because hubby loves to grill out in the snow. Yummie. Veggie dogs and burgers for me and good red meat and franks for the rest of them.

2006-02-12T15:22:00.000-05:00

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"

You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship.
You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you

Your flirting style: friendly and sweet

What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance

Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Winter

2006-02-12T15:19:00.000-05:00

There are 15 fuckin inches of snow on the ground. Damn.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=montie

okay...so the windows aren't really MINE....

2006-02-08T19:14:00.000-05:00

They are the judge's windows, but he said that I can leave the door open and look out of them any time....and the job pays so much more and is so much LESS work....and his law clerk, who I will spend most of my time with, used to be in a band, and went to the performing arts highschool in Philly. She is really cool. We should get along. I think i'll hook her up with Raul. Anyway, my first day at the new gig is 2/27. The perks friggin rock. Hell yeah. I am SO damn excited.

HELL YEAH!!

2006-02-07T19:57:00.000-05:00

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go me! it's like a HUGE raise and my own office with windows....it's great!

So i'm taking you all out for drinks....!!!!

YAY!!

fingers friggin crossed and stuff.....

2006-02-03T20:07:00.000-05:00

Okay....

So i just interviewed with the judge today because HE FINALLY FIRED HIS SECRETARY, and it went REALLY REALLY REALLY well, and I really want this job!! It would be a $10,000 raise!! :):):):):) Anyway, he made me feel like he really wanted me to have the job, but he did tell me that there was someone else in the running for it. I tried my best, and hopefully it was enough. I really need this job. I really want this job. He is such a wonderful man and the rest of his staff is just excellent. We'll see....but for now, I'm asking for all the good vibes and prayers and whatever else sent this way! I thank God for this oppritunity, and I pray that if this is His plan, than so be it...but I've also got to understand that if it's not His plan, then he has something better....

But I sure hope the plan is this!!!!

YAY!

The box of Lemon Coolers Girl Scout cookies

2006-01-30T15:17:00.000-05:00

...says "reduced fat"..... and that is my rationalization for eating the entire box.

crazy slowly going am I....

2006-01-29T20:43:00.000-05:00

Not sure why I'm here right now. I'm livid with hubby, but I'm sure we'll get over it. Lately most of my problems have been mostly me, but today he yelled at me and put his hand in my face, and that hasn't happened since hubby #1, and I had to physically remove myself from the situation. I still feel all knotted up....trying my deep breathing....in with good, out with bad...yeah f- that.

So i hate my job with all the passion in my being...no really. If it weren't for Raul I think I'd honestly go crazy. Really. Completely. Lord, why can't music pay the bills?? WHY?!? My house stays in a constant state of mess. I'm not really a complete slob, like hubby, but I work all week and have church and swim meets and all that other bullshit stuff and when am I going to have time to clean?!?! I get up, get 2 kids ready so that one will be ready when daddy leaves at 7, and the other one has to be ready at the same time so that I can get ready...because if I leave it to her, we're late. Then it's 5 blocks to school, kisses, 3(ish) blocks back to the bus, then the train ride is the only time to myself. Thank god for my ipod. I zone out and listen to my music. I'm at work by around 8:45, and if I'm lucky, I get coffee...then I deal with bullshit all day. if it isn't from a guy at the counter, then it's from a lawyer or my boss or prisoners calling. Then I leave at 5, home by 5:45(ish) dinner made, baths, ready for bed...then Mon and Wed I have choir and handbells....if not, then kids to bed, then I do what little straightening up or cleaning or laundry that I need to get done just in time to completely collapse. If you are still reading, thank you. I just need to vent because I am unhappy with my life. I hate this apartment. It's a good size with 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, but it's falling apart and water leaks in places, and we get mice, and the damn dog shits the steps and we are so messy and have too much stuff. I also hate that I'm not doing my music as much as i should be...and I should be, because it's what I do. I am in such a better mental and emotional state when I am playing out regularly. Something has to be done about that. Also, I've lost 40lb, and have gotten down to almost a normal size, while hubby is still huge and unhealthy. I cringe every time we go someplace to eat and he orders a damn cheesesteak. I tell him lovingly that I would really like for him to get in better shape because I don't want to lose him before the kids grow up. I don't think he cares. I think he is one of those where it is going to take something happening to get him to wake up...so with that, I kinda feel like we're on the same road but going in different directions. I don't get the kind of attention that I want either. I mean, he is a wonderful hubby, and i'm not in hubby bashing mode or anything, but tell me my hair looks nice, or you like an outfit, or just hug me sometimes. I don't think it's too much to ask. I don't know. i don't know what's going on, but I don't like it, and I'm unhappy, and I'm not completely sure how to get happy. I'm working on it though.

blah....

2006-01-24T12:16:00.000-05:00

So there has been another delay. Not completely my fault….our old computer kinda quit….well, not kinda. It completely quit. We had to get a new one, and husband insisted on this certain one that was at the store that had all these rebates and was really gonna be a good deal… and then he went and bought it, and it was an okay deal, but it was nothing like what he told me, but it’s a lot better than the one that wasn’t working at all. So anyway, I’m finally up and running.

So where to begin this update?!? I could write about New Years Eve, and how great it was to be with friends and how my friend Jonnie’s son taught Ana how to play chess. We had fireworks, and the kid banged pots and pans and stayed up way too late, but it was NEW YEARS EVE, MOMMY!!!

So that’s that. We came back to Philly with this god awful crazy weather that can’t decide weather to stay cold or hot or rain or snow. In 3 days we had 60 degrees and rain change to 20 degrees and snow. It is simply ridiculous, and it messes with my head, and it needs to stop. Seriously, I thought I was going to have a nervous break down. Thank you, Ativan.

Have I mentioned lately that I’ve decided that I am the next American Idol?

I had one of my epiphanies yesterday. It wasn’t really an epiphany. It was something that I’ve been aware of for a while, but I wasn’t completely sure what was happening, or maybe I just wasn’t ready to do what I had to do…but I’ve decided that this isn’t my life. What I am doing now is not what I was born to be doing. I am not supposed to be stuck here in this strange complacency. So, I’ve decided that I’m no longer going to be. If this is not my life, then DAMMIT, I’m going to make it what it should be. It’ll be all good. I’ll let everyone know how that works out for me. Peace.

sorry for the delay...

2006-01-07T10:43:00.000-05:00

it has been one hell of a week here in Llama land... the holidays were hectic, the trip was crazy and we have all had that dreaded icky stomach flu. I seriously thought I was going to die. I dont get sick. I simply do NOT get sick...ever...until last Thursday...

Let me back up tho.

Christmas was grand. Pattie made a glorious dinner - that was early for our benefit - and things were very nice. Billy got me a couple of books. We had already decided not to spend a lot of money on each other, especially since my new tatt is considered part of my birthday and Christmas presents. The kids were spoiled by the extended family, as usual. Then it was time to be on the road.

Billy drove the whole time, 6.5 hours to Virginia. The last few hours were in a horrendous amount of thick, low, nasty fog. We had to slow our speed to WAY slow and watch for deer. I swear, VA does it to us every time. There is always a complaint about VA. We got to the hotel, and basically all collapsed to bed. The next morning, I was ready to go at like 6am, and so i got everybody up, and we headed to GA like a bat outta hell. We got to my brother's house in Rome, which is nice, but Rome itself sucks. I went to college there, back when Shorter was known for it's music program. I had a full scholarship...but Rome is completely the pits. We used to say - "Rome if you want to, and I DON'T!!!" - we lovingly referred to Shorter as "shitter"...those were the days, but I digress...

So we get to Rome and my sister and mother came over and we had pizza dinner and that was fun to have the whole family around. My brother has become such a redneck. His house is nice though, even if it is in Rome. So the next day we went to C-Vegas to hang out and see people. Ana's dad actually called and came by to get her, and mom wanted to spend some time with Maura, so that let us to ourselves in the booming metropolis that is Crittersville. We went to the pub and had yummy beers and played a game of scrabble. We stopped by a few people's houses. Then, that night was the concert.

Every year, between Christmas and New Years, there is an annual "young artists" concert called "Home for the Holidays." It features musicians that are originally from Cartersville that have gone on to study music. I performed the first couple of years, but since I have moved, it's kinda hard to get in touch with me. I like to be in the audience anyway. The first girl that sang was about 19-20 years old, and I actually have known her since she was a baby. She had the most lovely voice. She sang the Laughing song from Die Fledermaus completely effortlessly in a key that was insanely high. She sounded like Kathryn Grayson. It was beautiful and light and just amazing. Several of my friends sang other things; one girl sand something from an American Opera that was absolutely beautiful, and another friend did an incredibly difficult Handel ( i think)....another friend who is studying at NYU played some Beethoven on the piano, but the creme de la creme was my friend Phil.

Phil was a freshman when I was a senior. He was horribly annoying, but I had known him from All-State since he was in 7th grade, and I have always done well at tolerating people. He looked up to me, i think. I was one of the big fish in the sea when I was at CHS, and he aspired to be one. The first time I heard him sing after his voice change, he sounded like something close to an ailing duck. He was on key and has always been good technically, but the overall quality of his voice was not so hot. He studied hard though, and followed me to Shorter, sang in the Chorale and worked very hard. He is now an Artist in Residence for some Opera in Tulsa and is about done with his Master's at Indiana. When he opened his mouth to sing last Tuesday, I cried like a baby....it was so beautiful.

And then he sang the Largo al Factorum from Il Barbiere Di Siviglia....which for those of you who don't know is very recognizable if you ever watched Bugs Bunny. The whole "Fiiiigaro figaro figaro...." He did it so well. He's actually doing the roll at IU in February. I'm going to see if I can't fly up and see him. He was come so far. It was lovely.

more later, i promise.

uhhhh...groan....ick...

2006-01-01T08:35:00.000-05:00

What the hell am I doing up so damn early?

i'm getting too old for this.

Happy F-ing New Year everybody.

Happy Christmas.....

2005-12-25T08:55:00.000-05:00

Hey Rhi----

Husband got me the Anne Rice novel!! YAY!! I'll let you know how it is.
I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday...or Sunday, as the case may be.

SAVE FUZZY!!!!!!!!

2005-12-23T10:47:00.000-05:00

My best friend in the whole wide world needs help. I've made some phone calls; I've sent some emails. I'm waiting on replies, and so i thought I'd copy her post about it here, so that we can get more people involved and SAVE FUZZY. if you can help, please do. This would mean the universe to a friend that means more than that to me! Here is her post from http://anywherebut.blogspot.com

Save Fuzzy

I've neglected to talk about this subject because I'm really, really bothered. However, I have recovered my intense nausea (back in the "let's hug the toilet" mode) and I'm a bit bitchy.So...here is the story.

I was hospitalized for five days in early December. My insulin pump broke, and I had no clue. To make a long story short, I drove home from class one Tuesday with a barf bag in my lap, and managed to make my way to the nice cool linoleum on my bathroom floor. (When you've dry heaved for hours on end, you really can't be jumping in and out of bed. Best to just stay in the bathroom.)

Z drove me to the ER, where they promptly let me puke in the hallways, and then to my embarassment, let me pee all over myself from the strenuous nature of my heaving. They have this stupid rule when you are a diabetic with hyperglycemia that you can't have any water. When your blood sugar is high, all you want is something to drink. It's the worst cotton-mouth known to mankind. I swear. And having nothing to puke, while you are that thirsty, is a crime against humanity.

So they installed me in a hospital room, where they were determined to keep me because the ICU was full. On the third day, this nice nurse changed my sheets ( I had to change my own every day prior to that, IV line twisting around the hospital bed).

And within my sheets was Fuzzy. Poof. Gone. No one has seen him. I discovered it that night while I was trying to go to sleep. Nervous and scared in the hospital bed because my stupid nurse had just tried to kill me with an insulin injection that was sufficient for a horse. Scared to pass out because I thought they might shoot me up in my sleep and I would never wake up.

I ended up tearing my room to shreds, again with IV pole+bag in hand, and then proceeded to frantically pace back and forth around my room until I was sufficiently exhausted.

My world has been a little off since.

Fuzzy is a story of his own. When I was in kindergarten, I ended up at UCLA medical center for about a month - 2 weeks in a diabetic-induced coma in the ICU, then another 2 weeks in a regular bed getting insulin therapy. It was a really horrible time. I don't really remember too much about it from a negative standpoint. (Except again, they wouldn't give me any fuc$ing water. My mother soaked paper towels and let me suck on them in the ER).

My Dad brought me a bouquet of daisies for my hospital room, and tucked on a little plastic trident was this itty-bitty teddy bear, wearing a little white t-shirt with purple sleeves that said "I love you". I don't know why, but that little bear made me feel better. I looked like a concentration camp survivor, 40 lbs. soaking wet, raccoon eyes. A little bear who was proportionate sized was exactly what I needed.

And I have had him ever since. I once lost him at O'Hare - my dad retrieved him from the cleaning lady in the terminal. But I managed to hang on to him for dear life.

I quit sleeping with him years ago. I had him on this shelf in my closet, along with a few of my other favorite stuffed animals. My men have always graciously accepted my toys. I think they realize that inside my Aries-aggressive exterior lies a scared bunny rabbit who just wants a nice burrow and something soft to sleep with. I need lots of hugs.

So the linen service that Crittersville Hospital contracts with, Angelica Linen Service, states that they do have a lost-and-found box - WITH NO FUZZY. And I'm a bit of a mess about it.

I've hung onto that bear for over 20 years now, and despite the fact that I am in fact an adult, I am sitting here crying like a little kid whose puppy just died.

Angelica Linen Service is a publicly traded company. The satellite office that cleaned the hospital linen is located in Alpharetta, Georgia. ( Phone #: (678)823-4100).

I thought it was a bit funny that when Z tried to track down Fuzzy, he called the CEO and left a message. Ordinarily I would have just raised an eyebrow, until I realized today that this wasn't some 20 employee corporation. I'm sure the CEO heard his voice mail and thought some lunatic had really lost his marbles, calling and requesting an in-depth investigation into the disappearance of Fuzzy.But screw impropriety.

Today, reading my RSS feed, I found a news article about recent Angelica shareholder events.http://albany.dbusinessnews.com/shownews.php?newsid=56159&type_news=latest

If someone wants to help locate Fuzzy, it would most likely be the best Christmas present ever. I can't possibly tell you how weird it feels that he isn't around.So, here are the Executives' contact numbers. Perhaps with enough public outcry, they will see it as some kind of Christmas goodwill to help out.

Corporate OfficesAngelica Corporation

424 South Woods Mill Road

Chesterfield, Missouri 63017314/854-3800800/235-8410

www.angelica.com

Chairman of the Board

Don W. Hubble

314-854-3827

Chief Executive Officer

Stephen M. O'Hara

314-854-3827

President and COODavid Van Vliet

678-823-4100

Vice President and CFOJames W. Shaffer

314-854-3827

Save Fuzzy. And make my year.

Update....

2005-12-21T11:02:00.000-05:00

It’s cold outside. It’s not the kind of cold where you can see your breath, but the kind of cold that you can’t see for everybody else’s breath in front of you. I have had a lot going on lately and haven’t had a chance to update since the party. I know that everyone is waiting to hear how the party was, so I will tell you, it was fabulous!

I left work with my court staff around 4:45. We walked a few blocks down to the party area, which was also one of the law offices. We walked in, and there was a make-shift bar on one side with a nice fireplace behind it. The furniture all looked antique and beautiful. There was a huge aquarium on the other side of the room with all kinds of exotic looking fish, and the music playing sounded like a soft Irish jig. We ordered drinks and looked around. We were some of the first people there. It didn’t take long for people to start showing up though! The court clerk and I sat down along with another girl from my office, and we watched as all the important people came in. Court reporters, lawyers, and even judges started filing in. After a while, one of my court officer friends decided that it was time that we checked out the other building for the party, which was down this street.

The street is one of those old narrow streets that is like an alley way compared to what streets are now. There are cobblestones and the buildings all used to be old row houses. They are really nice. A few doors down was the other building that was part of our party. We walked inside to a decorated Christmas tree, a full bar that one could actually sit down at, and much more room. We were told that this building actually used to be a gay bar. It was much bigger, and the music was more of a Diana Krall Christmas theme going on. My friend and I sat down at the bar and flirted with the bar tender. It was fun. Then came the FOOD!!! They had bar-b-cue brisket, chicken, greens, potato salad, mashed sweet potatoes, baked beans, mac and cheese, and plenty more. I felt like I was at my friend’s house back in Atlanta!!

A lot of the party stayed in the little street between the 2 buildings. I hung around with Raul and several of my friends from the DA’s office and the PD’s office. It was a very interesting mix of people. I did a little networking and met some people in high places. We’ll see what happens. Raul decided that it might not be safe for me to walk to the train alone, so he walked me down, and also rode all the way home with me…and then all the way back to South Philly, which is pretty far. He’s a nice guy.

So there is your party update. It was fun, and I can’t wait for the one next year. There are a lot of other things going on with work and such that I really need to blog about, but I can’t do it now, to save my sanity. I’ll write it later….I’m just waiting to be in ATL next week. God, I can’t wait.

Peace and love to all…..

2005-12-16T14:37:00.000-05:00

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?

You are pretty much the coolest animal, a Liger.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla
Join

Make A Quiz More Quizzes Grab Code

The baby is crying....

2005-12-15T21:00:00.000-05:00

I don't know what's wrong with her, so I put her to bed and let her work it out. We'll see how long it goes before she stops crying. It slows, goes away, and then starts back up again.

I got an invitation to THE party of the season in Philadelphia. A lot of law firms have their own parties, but several of the big name guys get together every year and host a huge party with open bar and heavy hors d'overs (sp?) and lot of important people in the world of criminal law and the Court of Common Pleas. There are so many stories about how great it is and who shows up, and how great the food is. Last week, one of the lawyers walked into the court room with the invitations, handed one to the court crier, one to the court clerk, and then one to me. I was elated. The court clerk and I excused ourselves to the empty jury room to jump up and down and do a little dance. I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED. Free booze and tons of networking!! The court officer that I work with has gone for the past few years, and he's going to get me into the music room with the pianist to sing! YAY! Now, if only I knew some Christmas songs. Dammit. Being a bah humbug will definately come around to bite me in the ass if I start taking requests!

Maura just started back up again. She wails once or twice then stops..then wails, then stops. I hope she's not getting sick. She rarely naps at the babysitters, so I'm trying to attribute it to over-tiredness. We'll see.

Hubby bought me this gorgeous crushed red velvet top to wear to the party. It's very nice and festive. It'll look great. I'm so excited. I'm going to network my ass off...and drink for free too...and hubby is staying home with the kids. This is going to be a fun fun night.

She was quiet for a while..then she coughed (dammit) and started to cry again. PLEASE god let her sleep. Maybe I'll give her something to drink....

Now i'm finished with formatting and she hasn't started beck up yet. Good. I'm going to have a nice hot bath.

today

2005-12-14T18:22:00.000-05:00

Is a very special day, and I just wanted to take a moment to wish my friend a happy birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JLWS!!!!!!! HELL to the YEAH!!!!

to make lite of the blogger tiff.....

2005-12-10T12:03:00.000-05:00

You can't even be put in the Miles Thirst Family -
you are NOT COOL - please visit the Hip-Hop
Translator in the Zillapedia to get up to
speed.

How well do you know your Hip Hop lingo?
brought to you by Quizilla

...so i was bored...this kinda surprised me though

2005-12-08T23:52:00.000-05:00

Divided Sky! You're peaceful and content, and would
like nothing more than to run out and fly a
kite on a nice summer day. Your personality is
complex and has several different facets, but
in general you just tend to be in a good mood,
which is why everyone likes you so much.

Which Phish Song Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

ok...i suck, but I had to do it to get in touch with some peeps....

2005-12-07T13:52:00.000-05:00

Find me on MySpace and be my friend!

Here is my birthday update….

2005-12-06T14:41:00.000-05:00

On my actual birthday, I expected to go to work, have lunch with some girlfriends, and then go home and to choir practice at church. I got up and went to work, where I had cards and flowers from the girls and then went to lunch with the girls and actually had a very nice time. At around 4:30, my husband showed up with the kids to surprise me and we ended up hanging out in town. They had the tree lighting and the lighting of City Hall which is very unique. They have a projection up on the front and back of the building that makes it look different colors. I try to find a good picture to post.

Santa was there with Mrs. Claus along with many elves. They all had cookies and were giving them out to all the children. My husband was hitting on Mrs. Claus. That was kind of funny. Anyway, there was free Starbucks (NO CARIBOU IN PA, dammit!) and free hot chocolate and also people giving out coupons. A man came over and gave us coupons for Olive Garden, and the one in Center City is WAY nicer than the one up in the Northeast, where we live, so we decided to go to dinner and had a lovely time.

Friday night we went to a Christmas party. It was lame. It was a bunch of old heads that Billy went to school with. I just sat around and ate the food and watched all the old people. JJ

Sunday night is what I am anxious to write about. My mother-in-law and father-in-law have been wanting to take me to this restaurant in South Philly called the Victor Café. They told me that the food is great, and they have singers that sing “opera songs” – as they called them – and I simply had to go, kids included. So I’m thinking a family version of Macaroni Grill where they will sing Happy Birthday in very bad Italian and selections from the catalogue of 24 Italian Songs and Arias…. Then they wanted me to bring the kids, since they are completely baby CRAZY, and I’m dreading that because nice restaurants + my children and family= fussy whiny kids!! As a precaution, we had a “family nap” on Sunday afternoon so that we could all be rested and hopefully well behaved!

We picked up my in-laws due to the snow, and drove down to South Philly. We came to the restaurant and went inside to find a small place with pictures of opera singers and composers all over the walls. They also had busts above the bar! I found once I went in that the place was named for Victor, the RCA dog. There was an aria playing softly that I didn’t immediately recognize, but I was initially impressed at the atmosphere. We were shown to our seats by our server, who was ridiculously handsome and kind of reminded me of an old voice teacher I had in college. We ordered our food, and all the while, my mother in law kept insisting upon them ringing some bell. Evidently, they rang and bell just before an aria was sung. After a while, a server went up to the other side of the restaurant and rang a bell and sang one of the most beautiful renditions of Si, Mi Chiamano Mimi (Mimi’s aria from La Boheme) that I have ever heard. I was completely and absolutely beside myself! She was amazing and it was beautiful. After that, Ana asked me if I thought one of the singers there could do her favorite aria, so I had her ask our server. He asked which aria, and I told him, and he said that he knew a girl who could do it. The girl came over to the table and asked if we had a request, and Ana told her the aria, and she said that it was a tough one – and it is – but that she would think about it. They brought me my Crème Brule with a sparkler in it and sang Happy Birthday to me—In English, but like a true opera chorus. Immediately after that, the girl we had talked to about the request got up and stood on the steps just behind me and said “this is by request” and proceeded to sing Un Bel Di with such hope and abandon that I cried. As soon as she started to sing, I phoned mother and placed the cell phone on the table for her to hear it. The singer had so much feeling and emotion in her voice. When she was finished I couldn’t talk. I was in shock at how beautiful it was. My mom felt the same way. She was Suzuki in a production of Madama Butterfly when I was young, and loves that Aria. I couldn’t tell the girl enough how beautifully she sang. By the end of the night, we had heard the Toreador from Carmen, and Nessun Dorma, another of my favorites from Turandot. I could have sat there all night with my wine listening to the singers and wishing I was one of them.

What are you doing for New Years Eve??

2005-12-02T12:43:00.000-05:00

I know I need to catch up and tell everyone about my birthday, but you're not missing anything, so don't worry. Right now I just wanted to let everyone know that I will be in GA for the week between Christmas and New Years, and I have decided to throw a New Years party at my mom's house in Cartersville. I want this to be a big fun party...as my parties weren't that sucessful up until my wedding...(which people in Cartersville are still talking about)...so I want this party to be just as successful....There will be food, drinks, fun, and whatever you want to bring to it - within reason, of course. Anyway, since i'm in Philly, i've decided that the best way for me to invite and get RSVPs and stuff is my EVITES!! So, if you want to be on my evite list, send me your email address to billyandmontie@yahoo.com and I would LOVE to have you there.

More details to come.

YAY!

2005-11-30T10:05:00.000-05:00

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!

very interesting...

2005-11-28T21:46:00.000-05:00

So i had this epiphany yesterday.... It was very strange, and I'm not sure how much of it i'll write about, considering my audience. That being said, if you have any questions, feel free to comment, and I'll elaborate if need be.

The things is that there used to be this person in my life. This person is not in my life at all anymore. I loved this person completely and unabashedly. I learned things that made me who I am from the relationship that I had with this person. Because of this person, I am who I am today; I do the things I do and live the way I live. This person loved me in his own way. He understood my insanity and my comings and goings. There was a time when I would have done anything for him. He will forever be a part of my life and I am forever changed having known him.

He wasn't an exceptional person. He didn't ride in on a white horse and sweep me off my feet. He did little things to show me how he felt. Some of those things he didn't even realize. We had a genuine and pure relationship. He knew me inside out, and I knew him better than he probably wanted me to.

Things ended horribly, and I couldn't wish anything but bad things for him. For years, I wanted to see him suffer. I wanted to see him hurt the way he had hurt me. I wanted someone to completely crush him; to bring him beyond his knees to the ground.

Until yesterday.

My hubby was cleaning out a closet and found something that belonged to this person. It's something that he probably doesn't realize that I have, and that I kinda knew I had, but had forgotten about it. It's something that he would probably like to have back, and it actually went through my head to wrap it up and send it to him for Christmas. Then came the epiphany.

I no longer wish terrible things for him. I no longer want to see him hurt. We are both totally different people now, better or worse, richer or poorer, fatter or thinner, and there is no reason why we both don't deserve happiness and peace in our lives. This came to me all of a sudden. It was very odd, and still kind of is. I sat there and thought about it a moment. I tried to wish that his girlfriend would suddenly hate him and break up with him and stomp his heart out, but that wish wouldn't come. I have a peace about my past with this person now, and it's really fucking with me. This is something that I have been unable to be peaceful about for a lot of years.

So, I wrote more than I thought I would, and if you read this, I love you. Not in a romantic or sexual way. I love the person that you are....because that person helped me define me. And come to think of it, I think you knew that's what you were doing the whole time.

Merry Christmas. No Christmas Ficus this year, okay?

Any suggestions for leftover tofurkey?

2005-11-25T21:00:00.000-05:00

I loathe the holiday season....

I don't ruin it for other people. I can fake it with the best of them, and having kids make it better, but I really am not into the holidays. I really never have been. My husband, along with a couple of my other beaus in the past have been complete Christmas junkies....listening to Christmas carols as soon as freakin Halloween is over. This is lunacy, however, I deal. I get on with my life, make it fun for the kiddos, and avoid the radio stations that play all the holiday crap until February.

I don't remember quite when the holidays lost their magic for me. I know that I enjoyed Christmas as a kid, as most children do. I believed in Santa Claus forever. I even remember asking my mom that if I still be lieved in Santa when I was 15, would he still come visit me.... I was always assured that as long as I believed in Santa, he would visit me. The spirit of that is beautiful. My father was into the holidays, and always helped people whenever he could. When I was around 11 or so, he took my sister and me to visit this needy family to deliver them food and toys for Christmas. They were heating their house with their oven. The oven was on full blast and the door to it was wide open. I felt so sorry for that family, and so fortunate that I was in such a warm house with plenty of food and toys. I have tried to do something in that fashion every year since.

This have kinda changed since I've had kids. Having children around the holidays is cool, because I remember how much I loved getting together with my family. Thanksgiving and Christmas was the only time that I got to see my father's family. We would all meet at one person's house, and it was a pot luck, so we had certain dishes to look forward to every year, like Aunt Joyce's deviled eggs with the perfect amount of paprika, and Nancy's strawberry cake. My dad was known for his sausage biscuits. We all would gather together and visit for a while before eating, and before the meal, my dad, being the eldest male, would always say something about the particular holiday and then ask the blessing. Even later when my beliefs changed from my father's, I still appreciated what it meant to everyone else, and realized how precious these times were. As a mother, I want my children to have the same fond memories of the holidays.

Yesterday, it was all about the presentation. My sister in law is a wonderful hostess. She has a lot of money, and a beautiful house in the Philadelphia posh suburbs. Yesterday, she was expecting 16 people for Thanksgiving, so she decided to rent tables and chairs and use her dining room table as a buffet. This worked out well. She did most of the cooking, as she usually does - and does extremely well, I might add - and a few people brought desserts. I was really making an effort for my children and my husband to make the day wonderful and memorable. I know that the whole thing about what the settlers eventually did to the Native Americans was horrible, but that is NOT what Thanksgiving is about.

The night before Thanksgiving, at church, we were given loaves of bread with a prayer attached. The idea was to break the bread and pass it to everyone around the room and then say the prayer for the blessing before the meal. I asked my hubby to help me accomplish this, thinking people would listen to him more, since the majority of the people were his family, the exception being my mother and her fiance' and my sister-in-law's friend and her husband and son. Anyway, the food was all out on the table, and everyone was gathering, and my mother-in-law was making a plate for my father-in-law already because he hadn't been feeling well. My husband began to try to say something about the bread and about that time my sister-in-law started going off about how everyone should be getting the food because GOD FORBID it not be piping hot on your plate, and so everyone disregarded what my husband was saying and started to get their food...which probably shouldn't have upset me. I just feel like I have enough trouble as it is, not liking holidays and getting all sad about my dad and about missing my friend's back home, the LEAST they can do is try and help me make this day a little different from all the other for my children's sake. I want them to look back on holidays and remember family traditions and seeing people, not getting together and eating while it's hot and then having dessert and then going home. It was just like another day for them, sans the extra folks.

So the whole bread thing upset me, and I tried to not show it, and I may not have to everyone, but that's okay. It's over now, and I tried. Now they want to do Christmas Pollyana style. I don't like this idea, but that's another blog for another day.

Happy Tofurkey day.....

Liberty Overalls.....

2005-11-14T11:10:00.000-05:00

I had the weirdest dream on Friday night about a guy that I was briefly involved with. It didn’t work out romantically, but we remained close. He was in love with me, and didn’t mind telling me that all the time, but I never felt the same way. I tried to feel it, but it just wasn’t there….and I know how shitty it can be to be in love with someone who doesn’t love you back….that’s another blog for another day….I was up front with him. I told him that I loved him as a person, and I appreciated the beautiful and wonderful person that was he, but that the romance type love just wasn’t there. He was a big man. He was taller than I and worked as a bouncer and as security at a few local Atlanta places. He led somewhat of a tragic life. His father committed suicide when he was young, and he dropped out of high school to care for his ailing mother, who died young as well. He was in bad health, but it was almost inevitable for him. He developed some serious problems, but gradually was trying to make himself better. I tried to stay there for him. I talked to him on the phone almost daily, and went to visit him as often as I could. He always told me how much he loved me, and how he understood that we could never be involved, but he appreciated our friendship, and I cherished it as well. He was a sweet, sweet man with just a bad deal of the cards.

The dream disturbed me. I woke up and suddenly wanted to talk to him. Right before I moved away, I talked to him. He had some surgery and was waiting to be placed in a rehab facility, and wasn’t sure where he would be. I left him all f my information and told him to get in touch with me as soon as he had a stable place to stay. He assured me that he would get in touch with me. He knew my mom as well, so he knew that he could call her if he lost my info. I told him to make sure and stay in touch with me. I told him that if something happened to him, no one would call me, because no one knows how to get in touch with me.

And no one did call me. I googled his name and found an obituary. I found an obituary that was over a year old. My stomach rolled around. I started to shake. I couldn’t believe it. I read it again and again, making sure that the birthday listed was his…making sure that the name was the same..and it was…right down to the middle name. It was plain as day and I am sad. I am so sad that no one got in touch with me. I am so sad that I didn’t try harder to stay in touch with him. Maybe there was something I could have done to help him. He used to always call me when he was down. I would promise to stay on the phone with him until he felt better. I feel terrible that he is gone, and worse that an entire year has passed….and still worse that I never got to say goodbye.

Goodbye, R. Even though I couldn’t love you the way that you wanted me to, I did love you. You were unique and special, and you didn’t deserve all the bad things you had to deal with in life. Thirty-five is way too young to die. I hope that wherever you are is kinder to you than this life was. You deserved so much better.

He makes me want to sing....

2005-11-06T19:34:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I was poking around on this chick singer's web site and found this beautiful creature...

It has been a long time since I was literally moved to tears by a voice that just has the heart... He looks kinda like Cat Stevens with a bigger nose. He has the same little bobbing thing going on, and the same kinda feeling and heart, but it's all his own....

from Shelter...

"Listen when all of this around us'll fall over
I tell you what we're gonna do
You will shelter me my love
I will shelter you ..."

He is pure and beautiful, like a singer/songwriter should be. He makes me want to write. I could listen to him forever...

Possession, DUI, failure to maintain lane, eluding law enforcement, habitual violator, et al....

2005-11-02T21:53:00.000-05:00

I made it through the singing....I'm at about 85% voice, which isn't that bad, so it sounded half-way decent. Sunday I was at about 40%, so I was thankful that it was all audible.

I saw Jim's name in the Bartow blotter. I hate that I have to read that every day just to see what's going on with some of my old acquaintances. Jim was more of an acquaintance though. He brought out so much in me at one time. I will never forget the first time that I saw him. I was completely mezmorized; entranced; He was tall - taller than I am. He had long red hair and it was in braids all piled up on the top of his head. We were sitting in the waiting area of the principal's office. He was a new kid. He was from California. He had Doc Martins that went up to his knees and they were GREEN! I wanted to know him. I wanted to want him.

He dated a friend of mine, so I started hanging out with her more to be around him. There were stories of him taking her virginity. There were parties I never had the guts to go to. Somehow, we became friends....then he dropped out of school. I would seee him occasionally in town. He drove a little black volkswagon GTI with a red stripe down the side. When I worked at K-Mart, he and Jason and a couple of the other guys in our group of friends would come by and I would give them stuff for free...."just pretend to scan it and put it in the bag!!"---Anything for him to think I was cool. He was so gorgeous.

He came back to school. He sought me out. Suddenly, we were seen together all the time. We sat together at school functions. We walked to classes together. We stood outside after school and talked. He told me his problems. I told him my dreams and fears. He shared them with me. We connected. We understood each other. He became so much more than beautiful in my eyes, and I believed that I was in his. We always managed to run into each other at crazy times.

Then, he disappeared. For over a year, I never heard from him. I never saw his little black GTI around town. I never heard from his family....until the DAY of my wedding to my first husband. I was at my house getting ready, and the phone rings. It was him. Out of nowhere he called me, right before my wedding. He came over to my house the next day and brought his girlfriend and we started hanging out as a foursome. Things were cool. We shared life and drinking and various other abuse of substances....then I got divorced and he disappeared again.

I can't quite remember how I got back in touch with him. I remember running into him and sharing almost $90 worth of Hennessey at Applebee's. After that, things get kinda fuzzy. I think he started calling me from jail. He always had to call collect, and called all the time. I started to visit him. I visited him faithfully. A part of me still wanted more from him. A part of me would have done anything for him. When he got out of jail, we were together all the time. I finally got to know him in all the ways I had wanted to. I taught him how to kiss, an he taught me to let go. I did let go, but by then it was too late. He had begun his downward spiral long before I came along. His insight was fading; his intellect gone. We no longer shared any dreams or fears. He became the victim...the one who always got the raw deal...the why guy...My life was changing.

My relationship with the man i loved at the time was ending. My father was dying. My daughter was growing and demanded me to GROW UP. The night before my dad went into the hospital for the last time, Jim was at my mother's house with me. Then, he disappeared.

He showed up a couple of months later at my house in Atlanta. He didn't tell me why he was there until a couple of days later when he told me he was hiding from the cops. I told him I couldn't deal with that. I couldn't put any risk on my daughter. I put him out of my house, and out of my life.

My mother said to me tonight "I saw in the blotter where ole what's his name was in trouble with the law again..." Some things never change I guess. I hate that I always see the potential in people...what they "could be" instead of what they really are and who they really are. I've been bitten in the ass again and again for that. I still care about him. I knew the beautiful wonderful him. I'm glad I did. I'm glad I had him in my life. I just wish there was more to his.

Adding insult to injury.....

2005-10-31T07:18:00.000-05:00

The Septa strike sucks. I get to carpool, which is cool, but the parking deck at my job is $21 per day. It all sucks very much. I don't have a lot of time to blog about it right now, but I will soon. Right now, I feel like death from some respiratory malfunction, and I hate that Septa is on strike. Dammit. Marta never went on strike. I hate unions.

ARGH!

2005-10-30T08:47:00.000-05:00

MUST......SING....TODAY......

HAVE....TO....SING......

HOT....WHISKEY.....GOOD.....GOOOOOD........

HELP....WOMAN.....SING..........

what was I thinking....

2005-10-29T10:19:00.000-05:00

I now know how to end the war: send a bunch of 8 year old girls with flashlights.

The flashlights were my brilliant husband's idea, and he is brilliant. They flashlights made the whole night at Ana's slumber party. I spread out blankets and sheets and had pillows all over the living room floor and furniture, and then hung streamers all around the room. Billy blew up balloons and the big punching thingys and tossed them all over the room. After pizza and cake they danced in the dark in their pajamas with flashlights all night long. It was great for them. They had a blast. Billy even let them put make up on him! I'll hafta post pictures of that as soon as I get them.

I tried to sleep on the couch, but I couldn't, and so I was back and forth between my bedroom and the living room all night. They finally crashed around 12:30 or 1am. Dropping like flies....it was funny. And then they were up at like 7:45. I am completely exhausted. I lost my voice. Funny how that's always the first thing to go when I don't get sleep...especially when I'm supposed to sing the next day.

Billy took them to the playground. They all should be going home soon. Then, tonight, it's a nice hot bath and a few hot whiskeys for me....

and a good night's sleep.........

ahhhhhhhhhh...

A Mental Health Day.....

2005-10-27T09:10:00.000-05:00

It is so nice to be home with my little one today. It's going to be a long weekend, so I decided to take a day to clean house and relax. It's been a while, and I deserve it, I think. The coffee is still hot; I'm in sweat pants and a t-shirt; I'm wearing my glasses, and my hair is all curly from being washed last night. My state of mind is incredible. If I can get my house clean I'll feel even better, but for now, a good cup of coffee and daytime TV sounds really nice while the baby is napping. The cleaning can wait for another hour or so. I even got out my piano books this morning and fingered through some Chopin and Schumann...I think I'll plink around on my mandolin too.

oh...to be a housewife....to be independantly wealthy and not have to work....

I don't think I'd get bored...

And she sang Amazing Grace...with a voice that made me all warm inside....

2005-10-26T09:42:00.000-05:00

Buddy’s funeral was yesterday and it was a very suitable service. It was mildly religious, but not a Catholic mass or anything. Only 5 of us from work were there. I thought more would come, but everyone had gone to the wake the night before, so they didn’t want to go to the funeral.

I have issues with dead bodies. I think it’s crude that people put dead bodies on display for people. They never look good, in my opinion. When I was young my cousin committed suicide. I think that was the first time that I ever saw a dead body. I remember my aunt standing with her son over the body. She was playing with her dead daughter’s hair. I remember thinking that she looked like a doll. Her skin didn’t look soft and nice, but like felt almost. I remember saying to my parents that it was the worst day of my life. She was a beautiful girl, buried in her prom dress. It was silver taffeta with black polka dots. I remember when she got it. She died from a prozac overdose. She was 18.

When my grandfather died, there was kind of a screen on the casket over his body. He had died of liver cancer, and was kind of yellow. I decided then that I had had enough of dead bodies. When my aunt passed away, I was so devastated that I didn’t even go to the wake. Then the next day, when it was time for the funeral, I asked my mom if I could see the body, and I found out that my aunt had been cremated. I was even more upset. When I was 18 a friend was killed in a car accident. She had a little Geo and was hit by a tractor-trailer. Somehow, they managed to make her body presentable for the wake. She had on a lot of make up, but she always did, so it wasn’t that bad – But when my friend Beth died in a car accident when I was 19 – 3 days after my first daughter was born – it was obvious that her fingers were broken. She had on very dark make-up and dark lipstick…and she never even wore make up. Her mom said to me – “She looks so peaceful..” I remember thinking – “NO!! She doesn’t! She looks like HELL. It’s not her! It’s a DEAD BODY!..”

I can’t remember what my father looked like in the casket. I vaguely remember him in the hospital bed when I walked in and they told me that he was gone. I remember a room full of people that had all gotten there before me, even though I lived the closest to the hospital. I remember hugging my sister, and looking over at the body, and immediately running out of the room. That was a dead body. That was NOT my father.

Buddy’s mustache was too short. His skin looked rubbery and strange. His skin was an odd color. – And one of the girls that used to work with us, who barely knew him – said “He looks good…” Dammit. It was a DEAD FUCKING BODY, and he looked HORRIBLE.

At least they dressed him in jeans and a polo. If he’d had on a suit I’d have been yelling at people.

I meant what i put the first time....

2005-10-25T13:36:00.000-05:00

Under the advice of the ever so proper Pablo over at kungfu, I have adapted the title of my blog.

I will elaborate. When I moved to Philly, it was a new start. I picked up and left everything and everyone I had ever known, and completely started over. I even cut my hair off and dyed it red! I'm back to my natural blonde now, but the thing is, I started anew. I am no longer a Georgia girl. I am from Georgia, but by transplant, I am a PHILLY GIRL. I have made a new life for myself in Philly. I am happier, I am healthier, and I am doing damn well, if I do say so myself!

Anyway, I was told that i may be throwing some people off, and if I have, I apologize. I aim to please....Pablo anyway....and so I have adapted my title.

Everybody have fun.

www.kungfuonline.org

get some.

Friday: Me and the drink....

2005-10-24T09:32:00.000-05:00

Wow…what a weekend.

I have a taste for good Irish whisky. I used to drink Scotch; and while I still enjoy a good single malt, I can pace myself.

I love Irish whisky.

Sometimes there are people that you just click with. I like to think that they are in the same soul group.

Last Friday was Raul’s last day in our office. He is going to be a warrant investigator. He and I pretty much hit it off from the start. He kind of reminds me of one of my good friends from back home. He’s Italian, and from South Philly. He is older than I am, but not by much. He is a very unique person, and we relate very well. His is in that soul group of mine that I consider to be very small. We have a very close relationship. It’s not romantic or anything, but we have a great time together. On Friday, we had so much fun.

We started at lunch. My friend Laura and I got him a few small gifts, most of which were meant to be gags, but just the same, they were gifts. Let me just first of all say that my friend Laura is absolutely gorgeous. She is tall and thin and beautiful and sweet and physically flawless, with a wonderful personality. Ralph has wanted her for a long time…and he’s not the only one. Anyway, she managed to get our lunch tab taken care of by the owner of the bar where we had been, and needless to say, Ralph and I were unable to leave when everybody else did. He and I hung out until we felt that we could walk, and then went back to work, where I poured my heart out to my judge’s personal. I think he was a bad influence.

After work, I met Raul at his favorite bar, Fergie’s. I have been there a few times with him. A couple of our other co-workers were there. That’s where the whisky came in. It went down way to easily. It was way too good. I had such a wonderful night. I haven’t had that much fun in a long time.

Thanks, Mo and Ralph…..

my Buddy

2005-10-20T13:34:00.000-05:00

Today I lost a good friend. I miss him.

He was a great man. He had the best stories ever. I will really miss him.

One of the last times I saw him was at the 50th birthday party for a friend that we work with. It was a great time. I hung out with him most of the night. How could we know that he would be dead in less than a month. We had a wonderful time together that night. He was a gentle man with a pure heart.....

did I mention his stories???? Non of them are quite appropriate to type...in fact, I was the only girl to hear most of them...but they were absolutely great.

We had our own wave.

He would always tell Georgia hello when he was driving through on his way to Florida. Now, i'll have to tell Florida hello for him.

Rest in Peace, Buddy. Go fishin.

i'll miss you.

A moment.....

2005-10-19T20:57:00.000-05:00

I dated a guy years ago. We were pretty serious, I thought. We were never in the same place. Something that he said struck me today, almost out of nowhere, but not completely unfounded. He knew that I had grown up in church, and had since completely stopped going for whatever reason. He was never really into church at all. One day, out of the blue, he tells me that I should go to church. It wasn't in a "you need Jesus" kind of way. It was more like "you might function better if you had something more to be involved with, i.e. church..."

After my father died, I went to a social event with the church that my mother had been a part of for years. It was not the church that I grew up in. It was very small, and it seemed that everyone was either blood related, or had married into each other's families....so typical country southern baptist church. I surprised myself at how much fun I had, so I started going semi-regularly. Sometimes I got something out if it, sometimes I didn't...but I enjoyed it. It was some structure in my live that I had been missing. Maybe that's what he meant...maybe it was the structure.

When I moved up here, I went to several different churches. I didn't like to go without my husband. He told me that if I would *please* go to a Catholic church, that he would go....this after actually going with me to the Calvary Chapel...which he so lovingly refers to as a cult. I decided to give the ole Catholic church a try. Ana would be going to school there anyway - since the public schools are shit - so I started going, and I actually found all the ritual stuff to be cool. Baptists are minimalists when it comes to the actual worship service. The churches are not particularly fancy, and there isn't a lot of ritual involved. To me, the ritual seemed humbling. At any rate, to make a long story shorter (kinda), I went through the RCIA classes, was amazed at how liberal and free thinking and accepting this church was, and decided to convert. I joined the choir and everything.
I think it's the singing again on a regular basis...Especially when the director handed me a song tonight and asked if I could "take a look at the verses..." It's a beautiful song by David Haas called "Do Not Let Your Hearts Be Troubled." It's not very difficult. It's very simple and beautiful.

It makes me smile.

A lot of ridiculousness......

2005-10-18T10:04:00.000-05:00

It’s ridiculous that I work my ass off at a job that I
don’t hate, but get paid NOTHING for. It’s ridiculous
how I am treated like a child there. It’s ridiculous
that the interpreter in my court room right now barely
speaks Spanish. It’s ridiculous that this Assistant
District Attorney has a job. It’s ridiculous that it
is almost 2pm, and I’ve had no hint of a lunch break.
It’s ridiculous that I read blogs of my ex-boyfriend’s
girlfriend(s). It’s ridiculous that she seems so
contented with him. It’s ridiculous that knows
exactly what to do to make girls fall for him. It’s
ridiculous that we have 2 incomes in our house, and no
money. It’s ridiculous that my husband has a college
degree, and that I have some college education, and we
still are broke. It’s ridiculous that we live in a 2
bedroom apt with 2 kids, a dog and a hamster, and of
late, a mouse. It’s ridiculous that my house stays
such a f*cking mess. It’s ridiculous that all the
people in the room where I am are talking at once.
It’s ridiculous that I haven’t found another job yet.
It’s ridiculous that I can’t get a good gig at a
decent bar here. It’s ridiculous that my sister is
dating a complete loser. It’s ridiculous that I don’t
update this blog more often. It’s ridiculous that my
friend in Atlanta can receive emails from me, but
cannot send any to me. It’s ridiculous that I go down
to Georgia about twice a year. It’s ridiculous that
there are people that I haven’t seen since my wedding
that I consider to be some of my “best” friends. It’s
ridiculous that I haven’t smacked this ADA in the head
yet. It’s ridiculous how cold it is in this room.
It’s ridiculous that we have such a whack job for a
president in this country. It’s ridiculous that this
interpreter begins every sentence with the word
“entonces.” It’s ridiculous that my Spanish is better
than his. It’s ridiculous that I am actually sitting
here, typing this out, with all this going on and I’m
hungry and cold.

NICE!!!!!

2005-10-15T10:07:00.000-05:00

Your Daddy Is Pedro Martinez

What You Call Him: Daddy Dearest

Why You Love Him: He's your sugar daddy

Who's Your Daddy?

go figure.....who'd've thunk it?

2005-10-06T21:12:00.000-05:00

You are a
Social Liberal
(75% permissive)

and an...
Economic Moderate
(50% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Democrat

Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

after all....sell out???

2005-09-19T19:54:00.000-05:00

yanno the kid in the middle? Well, Who did you think he was?!?

OH MY GOODNESS!! is all I have to say about the John Mayer Trio...John's newest incantation of musicians. I used to ogle at this man years ago at Eddie's Attic and Smith's Old Bar, and even talked to him a few times. He used to wear this great rainbow striped sweater that he looked absolutely amazing in...but that was before the fame..the name in lights...crazy weight loss...strange versions of songs I used to love.... There was this one night that I went to see him at Eddie's, and he was on fire. At one point, he got the electric guitar, and just started going off! He walked over and sat down at a table with the guitar, and just played the $hit out of it!! As a musician myself, I really truly noticed, appreciated, and was amazed at the talent of this guy. I even emailed him and offered to sing back up if he ever needed it. He emailed me back, saying he'd let me know....

Next thing I know I'm living in Philly, and I'm hearing his song on aisle 7 in my neighborhood supermarket. He has really made it....if making it is selling out...

So he made his money, had some great hits, lost some weight, but stayed pretty hot, played some great shows to a bunch of screaming young girls...but never really got to show off his guitar skills on any albums. I haven't been impressed by his studio albums thus far. I've bragged to my friends about how great he *really* is... Then I see something that says "John Mayer Trio" and I wonder if it's the same guy....so I stumble over to www.johnmayer.com and I hear this AMAZING guitar riff with drums coming in, and an all out JAM!! I was completely FLOORED!!!!

He made his money...and used it to go back to what he really wanted to do to start with. Props to John Mayer. I've got my itunes downloaded (the only place you can get these new tunes) and it's cranking over and over again. This dude has talent. I've seen it. Now I'm glad that he's put it in an album.

I wonder if I could get a main stream hit out of any of my tunes....i'll have to post an mp3 on here and get opinions from you guys. What do ya think?

Current Events

2005-09-05T18:49:00.000-05:00

SO for those of you that read me regularly...all 3 of you...you know that I usually am not into posting about current events, news, politics, and the like. It is mostly because I am married to a government teacher, who is also a wannabe politician, and a news ADDICT!! He always watches CNN, which I don't mind, but the last week has been NOTHING but Katrina coverage!! I am not saying that they don't need coverage. I will agree that this is the worst natural disater in our country in my lifetime, and I am absolutely embarrassed at the incompetency of our Federal government. It's just plain sad and ridiculous. The search and rescue effort has not even gone close to Chalmette, where my brother used to live. His wife is in Bilouxi. Her company travels to different places after disasters and helps in clean up. She spent a lot of time in Florida last year, and will be in Mississippi and Louisiana for a while now. She said that to see it first hand is just incredible. There are so many people stranded...so many people without a home...and I am just soo thankful that they don't live there anymore. We are still trying to get in touch with people we know down there, as so many people are. For anyone reading this...no one is being let in or out of St Bernard's Parish. The place has been declared a complete loss. I can't stand to think about it.

And all I want is for my husband to change the damn channel.

peace of mind

2005-08-28T21:56:00.000-05:00

is this homesick?

but i couldn't believe that I actually used to live there. I just kept walking around in circles thinking HOLY F%CK!!! The people are so plastic. Not even their hair moves. The worst part are the ones that live and act like they don't even live there. I loathe there; but I loathe here(?). I walk around foreign
not knowing where
to go, where I've
been
The city laid out before me
huge and living and loud
and strange and fake and foolish
and wanting to be away; but
longing to be here
where there is home
but not really
but neither is 101 Greenacre Lane in rural NW georgia
where the heart was
5 years ago my heart left
It is coming back gradually, but in
pieces, scattered
in Philly and in C'ville and
everywhere else

And you told me that intellectual stimulation could not be sensual; but by definition only; make me sound un-learned and so what? Who have I to impress? What have I to prove?

I've got to get out of here, or stay here, but first and foremost, figure that out.

I pray for the people in NewOrleans. I hope there are no people in New Orleans. They'll have nothing to go home to but water. God be with them.

but it isn't for 4 more months!?!

2005-08-11T19:29:00.000-05:00

B is buying me an amazing birthday present. I've had the itch for a while, and today we finally went for a consultation. We showed the artist what we wanted to incorporate and we have an appointment on October 13 to see what the final product will look like. Then, on Nov 5, I will have my first session, and 3 weeks after that, my tattoo will be finished, and I will have one of the most impressive birthday presents ever. I found a really cool Celtic tree and sun with some knot work that is all gonna be worked in together to make a gorgeous tatt on my back. I've been saving my back for something good and big and impressive, and this is gonna be all of the three. The girl that worked there was kind of a bitch, but once Billy got over that, we got really excited. I can't wait to see what the artist comes up with!

The other new thing in our life right now is HOUSE BUYING. We got approved for a mortgage and now we just have to find a house - and a down payment - so the broker told us, "if ya find something you like, make an offer..." Those are scary words. I mean, I really want a house, but it's a huge undertaking, and I want to make sure that we get what we want. It would really suck to buy a house, and then see something else that we like better. Real estate is just stupid right now....

Anyway, i'll post pics of houses and my tatt eventually. YAY!

a clarification.....

2005-07-26T20:08:00.000-05:00

i think i was misunderstood with the kinky thing. It wasn't kinky in MY definition....more just weird. One of us actually sharing that we did it is part of the fantasy for him...i'm just not sure how it looks on the outside. We are totally into doing our own thing and not sharing most things, but this was just different.

This comes as a reply to a friend's blog who told me that I was f-ing it up(?) It's not seedy, nor is it gross to share what we did. It's not like he touched me here, or I licked him there. It was the roles that were played, who played them, and how. It was very interesting, and I felt that sharing these things in cyberspace could give other players validation in things that they do. Some people like to be adventurous. Some people like to be gross. Whether or not my man or woman and I are into any perversions or strange sexual escapades is completely between us. This falls under a whole new realm of weirdness.

this friend is the only one who reads this anyway.....

Pity how voice inflection and facial expression simply can not be expressed in typing.

you did WHAT?!?

2005-07-23T10:02:00.000-05:00

YAY! We finally got over our tiff, and have come to some agreements. All-in-all, things are gonna be fine. Things are wonderful, and we got FREE tickets to the Allman Brothers show tonight, so I am TOTALLY stoked.

um....so....we just did something totally kinky and weird, and we're sure that no one else does it, and it was fun and funny and exciting and freaky....

and no, I'm not telling what it was

no, not even you....OR you!

Unless you can tell me something you've done that's funnier or weirder. First. And I'm the judge. If yours isn't f-ed up enough, then I don't have to tell you.....

know-it-all

2005-07-16T08:13:00.000-05:00

So i've learned now the hard way that it's perfectly okay to keep some things a secret. Even when you love someone, and feel you know them inside out, you are going to have secrets from each other, and that's okay. People have secrets for a lot of different reasons. The other night, I got nosy...then I decided to get funny...and ended up being all girly and "we should know everything about each other..." and then I learned NO, we don't have to know EVERYTHING. There are things that I found out that I would have been fine never knowing. I'm fine knowing them, but it hurt the person who told me, and no I feel worse than I did when I didn't know anything. I admitted things I never wanted to admit, and probably shouldn't have. My feelings never changed. My love didn't change....if it did, it's stronger....Nobody got angry. Both of us got upset and felt badly and cried. I feel insecure. Both of us know that we can get through this, but it's gonna take a little while. Both of us are trying to wish the conversation completely away..but now it's out there, and it is marred by things that we will never forget. Hopefully it will fade with time, and I'll have learned to keep my damn mouth shut.

what a girl wants

2005-07-11T20:59:00.000-05:00

And she's already in the fridge; With the apron on. She paraded around that house as if she owned the place, opening and closing doors, and getting her fingers smushed in the cabinets. It was priceless. She had a great time with her "nana and cogin." Do I actually miss that place? I don't think I'm willing to admit it just yet. This last visit was so weird. Just weird. After being outside the bubble....especailly one so thick and drastically different than what has become my *new* norm....it's just weird.....

got my fix...

2005-07-11T20:42:00.000-05:00

Just before July fourth my father's sister passed away after a substantially long illness. I used this as an excuse to go to the bass-ackwards south. It was a nice visit....kind of surreal.

My flight was delayed and delayed and delayed again, which was no big deal, but actually worked to my advantage because the baby slept the entire trip(only she and I went). My plane ride began with a particularly odd encounter with the guy sitting next to me. The plane smelled so badly! The captain came over and was talking with a few of us, and told us that the stench was due to live crab that was in with the cargo earlier that day. It seems the container had been leaking. It was such an atrocious smell! So the guy next to me had already been joking around with me about the smell, and then about how cute the baby was, and how well behaved - she was asleep....what could she have done... - anyway, the plane finally began to taxi towards the runway, and they dim the lights "for our comfort" and the man takes it upon himself to grab my thigh and pat it and rub it a minute, and then kind of leaves his hand there for just a moment. I didn't say anything - I think it was shock....but then he finally moved his hand and didn't do it again...and then when we got to Atlanta, asked me if I had a place to stay there, and I assured him that I certainly did!!

I mean, I KNOW i'm fine, but damn......teeheeheheh

Over the river and through the woods.....

Let's do the Timewarp again....

2005-06-10T17:53:00.000-05:00

SO....

I did really well this week at watching what I was eating and walking at night. I was very proud of myself, and today, i barely ate a thing....so I was kinda lightheaded when I got home. I hadn't had anything to eat all day except for a spring mix salad with some tofu....

so that pizza dinner is okay, right? and what about the party cake ice cream that I'll try to justify later tonight???

Hello stomach....i am diet, your worst nightmare.

i think last night.......

2005-06-08T15:14:00.000-05:00

I had the perfect melody and some great lyrics all the way to work this morning. I sang it over and over again so that I wouldn’t forget it. I walked into work, wrote the lyrics down…

And completely forgot the melody.

Dammit.

And Lance was a no show.....

2005-06-05T19:51:00.000-05:00

We went to the USPRO Cycling championships today. It was a lot of fun. Our friend has a house right along a strech of the race called "the Wall..." It's a hill in a neighborhood called Manayunk that is very steep and gradual. I could barely walk it with my out of shape self, so I'm sure the cyclists were having loads of fun trying to bike up it! The course is 10 laps and 156 miles. Everytime they came around, we ran outside to cheer, and then back inside to the cool air conditioning!! I am a little sunburnt, but we had a wonderful time.

I'm going vegan i think. I got some health test results back, and while they are not incredibly horrid, neither are they incredibly wonderful. I am a sloppy vegitarian, and I really eat like I'm stupid, so I'm gonna stop that and get myself in gear. I have to get myself back in shape, and be on the road to living my life like I want to again....which after today may also put me looking at houses in Manayunk...!!!

Spring Cleaning....

2005-06-04T11:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, so Spring is almost over, and I am finally cleaning out everything. I am packing away baby clothes, in case I have another, and packing away the elder's nicer things for the younger to eventually wear. I came across some old pictures, which was nice because I found some frames as well. I got new shelves at IKEA and I am putting pictures on them, and now I have pictures of more than just my family.

I found an incredibly gorgeous picture of J, and a picture of L from highschool. They are both 5x7, and I incidentally found a double 5x7 frame....so now 2 of my closest friends are next to each other for me to see and blow kisses at every day. yay. I miss you guys, and love you dearly.

Reading Rudolf Steiner. L, you should check this dude out. Austrian philosopher. Good stuff...